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Main | August 2006 »

Who's Ready to Talk About Sex?

I just came back from an incredible weekend at BlogHer '06 where I had the opportunity to speak on a panel entitled, "Let's Talk About Sex". (And I also got a chance to meet fellow SexySmart Blogger Liz Rizzo, who by the way, is as cool in person as she is online). While I was a blogging novice in comparison to the other 699 women who attended BlogHer, my experience there crystallized what I have known and believed in for years. Women have a responsibility to talk about sex.

Continue reading "Who's Ready to Talk About Sex?" »

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Waiting for sex. Kinda.

I dated my current boyfriend for two months before we had sex.  Well... OK, that depends on your definition of sex.  To be accurate, I guess I should say intercourse.  (Ah, that great, romantic word.)  And I'll admit it was a long two months!

First off, I asked him to get tested.  For HIV and all the other stuff, you know?  And then, if you ask, you have to do, but I wanted to go to my OB/GYN, so I had to wait a few weeks for my appointment.  He was all clear, and I hadn't even gotten in to see my doctor.  In the meantime, yes, there was nakedness (hooray for nakedness!) and various activities that definitely live in the world of sex.

Continue reading "Waiting for sex. Kinda." »

Just looking for The One.

Single woman take a lot of heat.  They're told they're too picky, too desperate, trying too hard or not hard enough.  They are flooded by stories about how men don't want smart girls, or independent girls, or fat girls, or older girls.  Or whatever else some story-starved feature writer came up with that week.

Man, that's all bunch of flapdoodle.

Continue reading "Just looking for The One." »

Introvert Or Extrovert? Does It Affect Your Sex Life?

I’m a highly social animal. Being around people stimulates me, sometimes shocks me out of “the blahs” and generally makes me feel good. In my business, freelance writing, being extroverted helps because I can’t stay on top of what’s happening in the city if I don’t go out. And if I don’t go out, to new places to meet new people, there are no new ideas for articles and stories.

My boyfriend, the filmmaker, is a genius is this regard. He’s the first man I’ve ever been with who is MORE social than I am! He knows literally EVERYBODY! Gosh, this turns me on! I can mention a random name from a meeting I had in 2001, and my boyfriend will know the guy. If there’s a crowd standing outside a club where this week’s media event is taking place, my man will know seven of ten people. He can introduce me to anybody I want to meet, but this is a far cry from what I’m used to.

The last guy I dated, for example, would always lecture me about things that made him feel out of his “comfort zone.” He liked to do the same things, every day, day in and day out, at the same places with the same couple of people. Yawn. I mean, this is fine, if it’s what you’re into, but I don’t know if a very introverted person matched with a very extroverted person is a very good idea.

On Wednesday, I blogged about sex toys and that anything you can imagine can be seen as a toy, if it gets you going, keeps things spicy and makes you enjoy sex even more. Well, the fact that my boyfriend stimulates me by taking me to new places and introducing me to new people, and doesn’t let that element of our relationship rest solely on my shoulders (as it was in the past), certainly puts our social life in that category. There are some nights that after a party or event, all I want to do is jump on him. Watching him work a room is the best foreplay I’ve experienced in quite some time. I even feel comfortable sometimes being the one in the background.

Bringing a shy guy out of his shell can be a turn-on and opposites do attract, but for me, its a much more lasting turn-on to be with someone cut from the same cloth as I am.

What do you think?

The Truth About HPV and Condoms

If you turn on the news there is always a reporter telling you some horribly scary fact about sex. But recently, there was good news on the tube. A major finding about condom use and HPV (human papilloma virus) was released by the New England Journal of Medicine. According to the study, “among newly sexually active women, consistent condom use by their partners appears to reduce the risk of cervical and vulvo-vaginal HPV infection.” This is huge! And it’s justifies what many of us have known for years: If you choose to have sex, condoms are your best option for STD prevention.

Continue reading "The Truth About HPV and Condoms" »

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When He Wants You Just For Sex

What do you do when you realize that he just wants you for sex?

First of all, you have got to ask yourself what you wanted/expected out of him. If he is nothing more to you than a booty call, and if you just wanted him for sex in the first place, then the relationship might be equitable. I say might because chances are he might not even satisfy you properly and you have to trade him in for someone else.

It's a more crushing blow when you had higher expectations of the guy. If you had him in your mind as your next possible boyfriend, and then after he shags you he ups and dissappears, chances are this will annoy/perturb you. However, you have to realize that not everyone you think fits with you is actually the man for you. There can be a bunch of people that you are compatible with but only a significant few are truly capable of being your significant other. Chalk it up as his loss and move on.

You might think this is easier said than done, but you have to make it a priority to seek your needs first. Do not try and shape yourself into the mold of what he wants his perfect woman to be, if he wants a sex buddy, and you want something more, recognize this and don't settle for less. Don't put his needs ahead of yours. This works both ways. If you wanted from him nothing more than a booty call, and he wants more, let him know what your expectations are and don't acquiesce for his desires unless that is what you really want.

Just be yourself, focus on what you want from the relationship and if he's not the one for you, you have to get over it and wade back into the dating pool.

That's the beauty of dating...there are so many other fish in the sea.

Your thoughts?

What’s Your Favorite Sex Toy?

I’ve been kicking ideas around with my boyfriend. We met in late March so the hyper-excited, “can’t keep our hands off each other” stage is over and we’ve settled into a comfortable groove. This is a problem. While not a crisis, this “groove” can very easily become a rut, and the rut can become a dysfunction, and the dysfunction can become…you know what I mean? So, we’re kicking around ideas.

My boyfriend is a filmmaker. Trust me, this has endless possibilities. I have roles planned that will give me the range of Hepburn and the elusiveness of Garbo. He won’t hesitate to go into sex shops with me like many guys would. He’s open to everything from cuffs to vibrating rings. This is a very, very good thing.

See, one of my biggest fears in relationships is staleness, and its one of the major reasons I’m no good at the long-term, soul mates, “can’t live without you” game. But the guy I’m seeing now is the first and only guy I’ve been with who embodies all the qualities I’m looking for in a long-term relationship, therefore, I’m stockpiling ideas now so as not to get bored later on.

So, what constitutes a sex toy? There’s erotic fiction: we can buy it; we can write it ourselves. There’s lingerie. There’s whatever is in the refrigerator. You have music. You have those body painting and dice games. You have pretty much whatever your heart and mind can dream up. Which reminds me…whatever your taste or whatever mood you’re in, whether you’re feeling aggressive or ultra-feminine, wild or very conservative, the most important and valued sex toy you’ll ever employ is your mind. Stay tuned for tales of my sex-toy experiments.

What’s your favorite sex toy? Share your stories!

How to Get Laid Tonight

Being a single girl is almost nowadays synonymously acquainted with a carefree sex life. It's all about the Big O, whenever, wherever and with whomever we please. However, just because we have less rigidity doesn't mean that we are easy. In fact, we have standards----and rules that you guys might not be aware of.

For starters, consider yourself lucky that I've settled on hanging with you for the night. Don't think that it was a  spontaneous decision based on your witty conversation or merits you laid out. No honey, it was based purely on my intuition and on my attraction to you. If the three parts of me all decide that you are worthy (my brain, my body and my vagina), then you will get a yellow light. However, if one of them objects strongly enough, chances are it ain't happening.

The Triad is all powerful and you have to appease all three to get laid tonight. If you stink, have foul odor of any kind or smell like a bordello, my body will be offended and will convince the others that you are no longer eligible for this smart, sexy lady. You can also be deemed ineligible if you have a cheesy willy, smelly drawers, drown me in saliva while kissing or happen to have hair in all the wrong places.

If you talk to much, or can't string a coherent sentence together, my brain will be very pissed off for your rambling. If you talk about your ex, wife or girlfriend, my brain will also fault you for bringing another woman into this scenario and deem you ineligible (you belong to another woman!) to keep good karma my way. If you refuse to use protection my brain & body will both be insulted and boot you off the island. Likewise, if you lack in most major areas of foreplay and expertise, my vagina will rule that you are totally not worthy.

So you see,if you can pass pass the merit test with all members of the Triad you will get laid tonight. It really is that easy.

Ladies...what do you think about the Triad? Any other thoughts?

Sexual Pleasure - Could You Give it Up?

What would you trade for sexual pleasure? Chances are, not much, if anything at all. But even though we live in this world where we claim to be sexually liberated, some women just keep giving it up without getting anything in return...

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Why I'm SexySmart

Hi, I’m Liz Rizzo, and I am so excited to be a member of the Elexa Blogging Team! Newly coupled, I’ll be blogging about dating, relationships, men, boys… and us, and what it’s like to be a woman these days, single or coupled. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and experiences with you, and I hope you’ll let me know what you think and feel, too. ‘Cause we’re all just figuring it out as we go, don’t you think?

Why I'm SexySmart

As a sexologist and your monthly blogger on sex, self-image, and empowerment, I am thrilled to be joining Elexa's campaign in helping all of you have hotter, safer, healthier sex lives. Despite years of writing about sex, teaching about sex, and talking to the media about sex, I never get tired of sex - it's my passion!  I look forward to getting to know you, hearing your thoughts and concerns about sexual intimacy, and making sure you know everything you need to know to have have the best, most fulfilling love life ever!  So make sure you note that you can always connect with me through this blog or at my website <www.sexualitysource.com>.

Yvonne K. Fulbright, M.S.Ed., Ph.D. candidate President & CEO, Sexuality Source, Inc.
author, The Hot Guide to Safer Sex
http://www.sexualitysource.com

Bad Girls Rule!

The first question that anyone asked me about my blog was why I used the title as the Bad Girls Guide. The thing about it is, every woman—-even the ‘nice’ girls, have a bit of bad in them. It’s the Bad Girl in you that makes you strive to be the hottest babe on the street. It’s the Bad Girl in you that makes you demand the very best, at work, at home, in bed and with your men. She’s assertive, knows what she wants and works hard but plays harder. So what’s not to love?

I’m so excited to be a part of this project. Talking and writing about sex is something that wasn’t common in my days growing up in a conservative household, so this is something that will allow me to let my hair down, and be totally out with the wild side! I’m mainly going to be writing about the issues surrounding sexy singles today, the tons of drama we’ve faced, and the different situations we get ourselves into,. Feel free to chime in with whatever comments or thoughts you might have.
Let the party begin!

Why I'm SexySmart

If you’ve managed to find yourself here at ElexaSexySmart.com, you are probably interested in sex and realtionships. Or at least reading about it. So welcome to all of you. My name is Logan Levkoff and I am a sexologist. But keep in mind; though I am an “expert”, I am just a girl at heart. And this girl loves to talk. That is why this SexySmart blog is so important. It gives us a forum to discuss the topics that are most important to us. And let’s be honest, it’s about time.

When I was a teenager and just starting to figure out that I did have sexual desires, feelings, and lots of questions, I had no one to turn to. Yes, I could have spoken to my parents, but I was looking for something bigger – some divine sexual intervention. I guess it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise when I didn’t find it (though boy did I look!). It was then that I gave up my childhood dream of being a Supreme Court justice or President of the United States. I decided to take things into my own hands and devote my life to understanding and explaining sexuality. (Though now I think about it, those other professions need me now more than ever)! Nonetheless, my foray into sexology came from a commitment to all of you and a desire to make sense of this crazy and complicated world we live in. So here I am – happy to talk and even more happy to listen. I can’t wait to see in what’s in store for all of us!

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Logan Levkoff Logan Levkoff
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Bad Girls Rule
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Kellie Murphy Kellie Murphy
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Pepper Schwartz Pepper Schwartz
Professor of Sociology, University of Washington

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