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Sexual Pleasure - Could You Give it Up?

What would you trade for sexual pleasure? Chances are, not much, if anything at all. But even though we live in this world where we claim to be sexually liberated, some women just keep giving it up without getting anything in return...

In my travels, I speak to hundreds of men and women on a regular basis tapping into their greatest concerns and deepest desires. But it seems that lately there is a distressing trend.  We women are just not getting enough pleasure - and would you believe that it is our fault? Okay, so that seems harsh - but why is it that women are willing to have sex and not demand pleasure in return? Last month (as part of our Elexa MySpace campaign), a girl wrote to me dissatisfied with her sex life. She said that her boyfriend pumps away (sometimes painfully) and she never climaxes. In fact, she barely gets aroused at all. (And as you know, dryness during sex can kill the mood as well as kill your desire to ever have sex again). And to top it off, she was more than willing then perform oral sex on her guy, but he wouldn't reciprocate. And to make matters worse, this young woman confessed that while she wanted pleasure (even the slightest amount), she knew it was "her job" to please her man...

I nearly passed out.

Okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, but here's the thing. Don't we know better? It is never "our job" to satisfy our partners. Relationships are about mutual pleasure, and we shouldn't be the ones doing all the servicing. Sometimes we buy into this old stereotype about women and sex because we don't feel good enough about ourselves to demand pleasure and protection (both the emotional and physical kind). And sometimes we just don't know enough about our bodies. Here's the thing - women need lubrication. I know, real life isn't like the movies which suggest that we are moist and rearing to go at the drop of a hat. We need more than that. Yes, we need extra lubrication. We need condoms that feel good to us. We need foreplay (that's more than four minutes) and most of us need clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. (And we need a partner who understands - really understands - the female body!)

So who's still telling us that it's "our job" to please our partner? (Could you tell me? Because I'd like to teach them a thing or two).  And if you used to fall into that role of "service-provider", what made you change your attitude about women and sex?

I can't wait to hear from you. And don't forget, wherever you are and whatever you do, be sexy, be smart, be safe!

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I think women sometimes convince themselves that sex is "so much more important" to guys than it is to us, and that their egos are so very fragile that we couldn't possibly wound them deeply by suggesting they could improve their techniques, behavior, whatever.

I bet most men don't overtly tell us it's "our job"...because they don't have to, we're telling ourselves!!

I think it's a matter of low self-esteem. I did have a boyfriend once who managed to pull that same kind of stuff on me. Although he and I never went all the way to intercourse, we would fool around a lot. After a while, he would say stuff like, "I do stuff to you a lot, why don't you do stuff to me?" And then he'd bring up one occasion where it may have seemed that he didn't get enough pleasure. Before I knew it, he wasn't doing anything for me and I was always doing stuff to him because I felt obligated. It's not a matter of "girls against boys," it's a matter of finding a partner who is 100% with you in life, love, and sex. And as far as I'm concerned, if one falls short because he doesn't think he needs to pay attention to me, it's time to rethink the relationship.

sounds like how me and my bf are, its all about him and never about me, sometimes we dont have sex for like mths becuz he dont want too

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