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Waiting for sex. Kinda.

I dated my current boyfriend for two months before we had sex.  Well... OK, that depends on your definition of sex.  To be accurate, I guess I should say intercourse.  (Ah, that great, romantic word.)  And I'll admit it was a long two months!

First off, I asked him to get tested.  For HIV and all the other stuff, you know?  And then, if you ask, you have to do, but I wanted to go to my OB/GYN, so I had to wait a few weeks for my appointment.  He was all clear, and I hadn't even gotten in to see my doctor.  In the meantime, yes, there was nakedness (hooray for nakedness!) and various activities that definitely live in the world of sex.

I know girls who hold oral as more intimate than intercourse.  But that's not me.  Sex - all the way sex - holds meaning for me.  And connection.  And power.  And vulnerability.  And intimacy.

It's simply not something I rush into, even as my sheer humanity and sexuality cry out for satisfaction.  So, I compromise.  For a while, I'm an Everything But.

And I was trying to wrap my mind around it all, and busting my brain over what was right and best and if it was silly to hold intercourse over all else.  Maybe it is.  But it's a line for me.  It is different.  It is more.

I realized that my annoyingly distant OB/GYN appointment was actually a blessing.  An intensely frustrating blessing.  Because as much as I wanted it, I wasn't quite ready.  I wanted a few more weeks of get to know you before Get To Know You.

I was afraid that my emotions and my fears would get away from me, if we'd had sex too soon.  A new relationship makes your life footing feel unsteady.  I guess I like to get to know the ship a little before I take it out for a major spin.  Get a feel for where we're going.  Get a solid feel for who he is.

When we did have sex, we used condoms, even though we'd both been given the STD all-clear.  I've learned the hard way that even with testing, it's just the smart way to go in a new relationship.  And I don't play around with my sexual health.

I'm feeling good about the timeline.  I'm feeling good about having talked to my doctor and having that opportunity to ask questions and voice concerns.  I'm feeling good that The Boyfriend was OK with the waiting.

But July was one long, hot month.


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