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Boy Toy or Real Toy? Do You Have To Choose?

This week’s opening salvo for Dan Savage’s Savage Love column is one for the memory books: a woman’s engaged to the man of her dreams; problem is, he’s jealous of her, ahem, “love toys,” and wishes she'd ditch them before the bells ring.  Savage palmed her off to fume over New York’s recent gay marriage decision, but hey, I’ll bite…

I think this is a legitimate issue. 

For those who aren’t affected by the gay marriage ban or something else just as urgent, these sillier issues of trust and confidence in sexual relationships are worth addressing.  They seem small, but they can add up to some major communication gaps and some serious sexual tension. 

Is there something bothering her?  Is she still attracted to me?  Is there someone else? 

How much do we do to let our lovers know we don’t love our toys more than our boys, that they’re just a fun substitute that aren’t meant to be threatening?

In Wednesday’s blog I mused about my fear of relying on my toys and what that could mean for my sex life.  I vowed to always value simple, skin-on-skin sex, like in the old days, rolling around on the couch before the ‘rents got home.  But let’s face it, our lives are more complex than in the old days, and with work, schedules, traffic, deadlines, bills, traffic, all this damned heat and humidity, (did I mention traffic?), a little short cut in the bedroom can’t be the worst thing in the world.  The female orgasm can be like that proverbial needle in a haystack and on some nights we don’t want to risk getting pricked.  Therefore, if there’s a simple, battery-operated device that can easily take us where we want to go, is it a wonder our guys may sometimes feel a little pricked as well? 

Now, I’m the biggest believer in self-confidence in women.  Whoever isn’t in support of a woman who is intelligent, sexy and in control is someone I don’t want around me, but Women’s Lib is not what we’re talking about here.  Men still aren’t encouraged to express feelings, especially those that may be construed as weak, so when your man is insecure about his ability to please you sexually but won’t say anything – and you go about your business without noticing he may need a little stroking (the literal and figurative kinds) – isn’t it inevitable that your relationship (and sex life) would suffer a bit?

Let me know what you think…

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