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Does Your Man Still Make You Tingle?

When do sex toys and products stop being an asset and start being a hindrance? I’ve heard of some couples who cannot become aroused unless the costumes, candle wax and handcuffs are at the ready. They’re more turned on by the daring and experimentation than they are the connection with their partners. This troubles me. Will that ever happen to me? Will I become so attached to my inventory of fantasies and my potions d’amour that I’ll forget that its about melting into my man?

What triggered this concern was the purchase of my first bottle of tingling lube. I thought it would be fun and interesting to feel how my body responded to it and for my boyfriend to surprise different parts of my body with it. Then, I started to muse about a time when we’d possibly lose the excitement and simplicity of each other, almost like drug addicts, on a shameless and hopeless quest for a better “tingle.”

I believe in being totally open about sexuality. I believe that whatever consenting adults find a turn-on is fair game. But when the toys take over and become the main course instead of the added spice, what do you do to turn it around and get back on track?

This is why such a large percentage of marriages are sexless. So many couples, the ones without a penchant for toys, cannot reconnect and turn it back around. How horrifying it is for a once-passionate, loving relationship to devolve into a business deal that convenes over morning coffee. But isn’t it just as horrific to be with someone you’ll eventually not recognize outside of your Thursday-night performances of “The International Investment Banker and the Naughty French Bellboy?”

So although I’m not giving up my lube any time soon, and I’ll probably experiment with many more sex aids before its all over, I am paying special attention to staying interested in simple sex: the fingers, tongue and friction variety. I try to always remember what it was like in the very beginning, as a teenager, when just the thought of a cute boy touching me got me excited. And KEPT me excited.

I’ve got an idea. I think I’ll go ask my boyfriend to help me with my math homework.

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Ah, yes -- let's go farther than talking about lubricants: If we use a vibrator, will we become numbed to sex without electricity?

As an older woman (age 62), I really enjoy threesomes: my wonderful husband, my vibrator, and me.

Accepting my need for extra stimulation to compensate for my hormone depletion is a beautiful way he shows his love.

And no, it does not detract from our interaction -- it enhances it!

Joan Price
author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006,
Join us -- we're talking about ageless sexuality at

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Recent Comments

Don't feel bad. What you are doing is helping your boyfriend spend the BlokeMiles he is earning (sorry, rather a British phrase) in the best way possible, although I'm alarmed you haven't yet paid... Read More >>

Posted by: Matt Ravden | Oct 22, 2007 3:17:05 AM

Hey Joe,

*sarcasm noted* Thanks but not thanks. You're too late. I already met and married someone who was 95% on the Master List. So as you can worked for me!

...

Posted by: Vixen | Oct 11, 2007 6:05:28 PM

I actually know someone who meets 90% of the above.

My friend is a fantastic dresser, cooker, loves the fine arts, and is incredibly intelligent.

the only one he doesn't match is #4... Read More >>

Posted by: Joe | Oct 11, 2007 3:28:42 PM

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