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How many sexual partners? I want to know!

I have a confession.  Ever since Vixen asked, Would You Tell Him How Many Guys You've Slept With?, I've been thinking about her post.  And while I certainly should have commented, I'm developing a bad habit of blogging instead.

Because I'm an asker, and I expect an answer.

The guy before The Boyfriend had a huge issue with it.  His position was, clearly there's a number that's too high for you and a number that's too low for you.  Or you're asking so you can judge me based on your preconceived notions.  Which made perfect sense to him and not one lick of sense to me.  I never did have sex with him, either.

I just want to know.  I want to see what you say and how you address it, and yes, what I can learn from how you choose to answer.  Like, clearly the guy trying to make me feel bad and immature just for asking has issues.  And if you're a virgin, yeah, I'd like to know.  And if you have one-night stands every weekend, yeah, I'd like to know.  It's as much a compatibility question as it is anything else. 

I honestly don't have preset rules about how you answer, because I'm not holding your whole life up to some checklist.  But what you answer may lead to deeper discussion and more questions, and I think that's a good thing.  It's part of the getting to know you.

And part of who I am, is being someone who wants to know.  Perhaps my match is also a someone who wants to know.  Even just agreeing on the validity of the question can be a compatibility marker.

Now The Boyfriend - he asked me.  My response?  So glad you asked...


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And I can see why that would be discouraging. Insecure guys - ug!

It's wierd....I want to know, and have no problem asking them more questions or delving deeper into their stories, in fact, I enjoy listening to their past escapades (must be the story teller in me looking for fodder!)

However, every single time that I've truthfully given my details, the guys in question get all clammed up and you can tell that they get upset. Not because it's sky high or anything like that (cos it really isn't)---perhaps because they feel wierd about it? One ex even got very mad and possessive, over encounters that were sooooo in my past gathering dust!

So that's why I adopted my last attitude. I love this post though:)

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Bad Girls Rule
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Kellie Murphy Kellie Murphy
Pepper Schwartz Pepper Schwartz
Professor of Sociology, University of Washington

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