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« Masturbation and Relationships: Can the Two Go Hand in Hand? (pardon the pun) | Main | One Night Stand Rules »

What’s Your Favorite Sexy Song?

Ex-boyfriends should be kept in maximum-security camps, only allowed out for Christmas, and maybe for Mother’s Day. There are a myriad of reasons I’d vote for this, but for the purposes of today’s post I’ll explain just one: exes make it impossible to listen to some songs post break up!

I grew up in a musical home. My dad is a self-taught guitarist specializing in jazz. His father was a sax man also well versed in jazz and bebop. Needless to say, music was always on, all day and sometimes, well into the night. Music was like a member of the family and most of us have very distinct musical skills. Another benefit of music and making it a part of your life is the connection made between music and everything else, including the power it can have over your sexuality. This can spell trouble.

I have one ex, a D.J., who was never without a 90-minute tape of the latest love songs. I remember R. Kelly’s 12 Play was hot at the time (I’m dating myself, I realize this). Another ex, my first, thought he’d turn me on by choreographing moves every time we had sex. It was hilarious! He’d move up and down to the beat, when all I wanted him to do was get back to moving his tongue back and forth on my clitoris! It may sound weird, but I cannot hear or even reference some of the songs that were popular while I dated these clowns without thinking about them, and I mean deep thought. Perhaps I’m overly sensitive or music means just that much to me, but this can be a huge distraction.

My latest musical casualty is Sade. I love Sade! She doesn’t grace us with her melodic, sensual voice very often anymore, but during the 80s, my formative years, she was the crowned princess of late-night radio. And my most recent ex, knucklehead that he is, loves her too. Once he realized I own the entire Sade catalog, he couldn’t stay the night at my place without asking me to queue it up. Don’t get me wrong, I have some delicious memories of him with “The Sweetest Taboo” playing, but I’d still like to listen to it casually without drifting off into some silly, two-hour sex haze. Not to mention the memories inspired by the song that was playing one night in December when he drove us home from a party in Atlantic City and I treated him to a little “highway head.” That was a great ride.

But it gets worse.

We’re still friends. We still talk. I play with his kids.

We had dinner recently and caught up. “How are you?”
“I have a business thing shaping up and I want you to help me out with it.”
“Blah, blah, blah.”
“Blah back at you.”
And just to mess with my head…“So, I bet you can’t listen to Sade anymore.”

I hate ex-boyfriends. They should all be locked up.


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I'm totally opposite. I put the songs on a month-long hiatus, but then put them back on my favs list when I'm sooooo over him! That way, I still get to enjoy the jamz I love without thinking about him every other note.

I recently had a newer friend play track 5 on Prince's new CD 3121. I think it's called incents and candles. He has all the DJ gear and would repeat the first 10 seconds of the song..."Baby ohh. I been thinking 'bout you baby all night long..."

He doesn't know that Prince is my favorite of all time, and that made it all the more special.

We always love it when they just seem to know. I do anyway! Great blog. I loved the story and reminiscing.

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