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Defining "Desperate"

I think some guys want to think women are desperate.

My first few years in Los Angeles, newly single for the first time ever, I got the “desperate” label a lot. And, to be honest, I was an emotional mess, and I ultimately ended up dating the biggest loser the La La had to offer for five months longer than I should have, so I’ll concede a grain of truth, even if I never felt it was a 100% match. After all, I wasn’t looking to settle no matter what my emotions; surely my life to date is a testament to that if nothing else.

Maybe it’s being such a romantic that earns me the label. Perhaps that’s the easy box. That’s what we do best here in Los Angeles: boxes.

But here’s the thing, I turned a corner in a BIG way. Desperate is nowhere to be seen. Happy, Confident, Fun-loving, Hard-working, Romantic, Eclectic, Focused… I could go on and on. Sure, sometimes Angry, Frustrated, Lonely, Sad, Unsure… but Desperate ain’t at this party, baby. Yet, there was that label, that assumption, cropping up at the strangest moments.

Let’s define Desperate, shall we? Let’s get this out there for once and for all. OK, I’ve hit the M-W, and here’s what we’ve got:

Main Entry: des·per·ate

Pronunciation: 'des-p(&-)r&t, -p&rt

Function: adjective

Etymology: Latin desperatus, past participle of desperare

1 a : having lost hope <a desperate spirit crying for relief> b : giving no ground for hope <the outlook was desperate>

2 a : moved by despair <victims made desperate by abuse> b : involving or employing extreme measures in an attempt to escape defeat or frustration <made a desperate leap for the rope>

3 : suffering extreme need or anxiety <desperate for money>

4 : involving extreme danger or possible disaster <a desperate situation>

5 : of extreme intensity


synonym see DESPONDENT

- des·per·ate·ly adverb

- des·per·ate·ness noun

OK, I’m taking a long, hard look in the mirror, and you know what?  I think desperate took a hike a long time ago.

I think, like most things, that the label when thrown out has a heck of a lot more to do with the thrower than the receiver. Does a desperate girl mean less fear of rejection? Superiority? Comfort? Does a desperate girl remove some latent fear that women don’t really need a you, and if they aren’t desperate for you, you may have to – gasp – grow a pair?  You might actually have to exert some effort, show some pananche? You betcha.

Or he can find a desperate girl to date. If that’s what works for a guy, it's all good. But I would say, there’s just nothing for you here. Move on, Macho Man, Move on.


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An Anthem if I ever heard one. I have to agree with that statement, that the title has more to do with the person verbalising it.

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