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The Pleasure of Pleasuring (Orally, that is).

Have you heard of the Blowjob Wars? Yes, there is quite a debate going on in the Blogosphere about whether or not women actually enjoy giving blowjobs. And whether or not giving blowjobs is a slap in the face to feminists everywhere. Can you believe this?

I had almost forgotten about the "war" except that a young women wrote this to me tonight and it reminded me of the debate.

I think I have a fear of going down on my boyfriend, I think it is gross! And he would never ask me to do something I don't want to. We live together and we are happy but I really think that he would like it if I did.

Some of you are probably horrified at the thought that a woman wouldn't pleasure her partner in this way and some of you are probably thinking, "Yeah, I hate it too". Regardless of your stance on the issue, it is interesting to explore why oral sex is perceived so differently from intercourse. Now I know that teens of today engage in oral sex simply because it is "no big deal", but what about those of us who aren't in our teens? I always thought that oral sex was far more intimate than intercourse - you had to be so comfortable with your own body and your partner's in order to put your mouth anywhere near his/her genitals. And in the early 90s (when I was beginning adolescence), no girl gave blowjobs. Okay, one girl did (I still remember her name) and she became a social pariah. At my school we were more likely to have intercourse than engage in oral sex. Let me explain: When you hear teenage boys talk about girls "being on their knees" (yes, that old subservient position), it paints an ugly, unequal picture of sexuality. And some of us (myself included) couldn't fathom being talked about in this grotesque way.

Whatever. It's 2006 and here's the deal. There are definitely women out there who gain pleasure from pleasuring their partners orally. There are definitely women who aren't interested in giving blowjobs. But there is absolutely no reason for anyone to say that women (our entire species) can't get pleasure from "performing". Aren't women and men entitled to explore their sexuality (and all of their desires) as they see fit - as long as it's consensual? Now I do have a problem with women who give and never receive because they think that their genitals are dirty...but that's a whole other story.

What do you think? This debate could go on forever...

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I think that oral sex is up to the person. As far as it being a feminist issue??? No Way. Each woman decides if she wants to do it or not for her own reasons. Personally I enjoy giving oral sex, I also agree with what was said above about how sometimes it's easier to have intercourse than to have oral sex, for me esp. on the receiving end. When you give oral sex and they moan and move around and things, its empowering to a point, it makes you feel like you are doing a great job at making that person feel wonderful!! Who doesnt like that?? Its also fun to try new things while your down there! One issue I do have is "swallowing", a group of guys I know say that if a woman isnt going to swallow she shouldn't even do it, this I do not agree with! For me, it makes my stomache hurt afterwards, and I just usually dont like to do it! If a woman does it ONLY because the man wants her to, then that is an me it doesnt matter where it goes, if it went, he's happy! haha Would you ever tell a man, "Your going to go down there until the job is finished!", well maybe in a joking way, but not being serious! So if the guy says you have to swallow for him to be happy, tell him where to go and move on to a more mature person!

That's a really interesting point. There is no doubt that you can be "in control" while performing oral sex. However, sometimes I find that women perform but don't receive because of poor sexual body image. In that case, it's probably not "control"...but in your case, it's a great point!

I'm not sure about the opinions of your other readers, but I actually enjoy giving oral sex rather than having sex at all. But that's just me. I think it has to do with the feeling on control it brings, because you decide what they do and don't feel. :-)

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