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65 million Americans are currently living with an STD.* And Women are twice as likely as men to contract an STD.* Find out how you can make a difference. Join the Cause. Visit elexabytrojan.com.

*Source: American Social Health Association

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Condoms - Buying 'Em and Using 'Em

I'm just going to admit this right up front.  After I'd been cheated on and realized that even in a monogamous relationship I was going to have to use condoms, I wasn't happy.  I wasn't pro-condom and a little part of me thought I was never going to enjoy sex again.  "Well, you're just going to have to use them," I told myself.  "Nothing's worth an STD or worse - not even condom-free sex."

Lucky for me, right as I was beginning to use condoms again, Elexa was knocking on my door.

Continue reading "Condoms - Buying 'Em and Using 'Em" »

A Whirlwind Saturday: The Ultimate Sex Rush!

Let me tell you about last Saturday! This day will go down in my history as one of the Top 10 All Time Best Kellie Days!

I usually take the weekend to just chill. If I have to do much more than go outside to retrieve the mail, I will be upset about it. Because of my work and the networking events I attend – and there’s always two or three to attend during the week – I use my weekends to recoup, relax and regenerate. But last Saturday was a little different, and I never once complained about it.

My boyfriend had a stereo installed in my car. He got it for my birthday. I was so surprised and excited. Music moves me in a way nothing else does and just the idea of more bass and treble made me want to sing. We went from Best Buy to our Saturday afternoon football game for the Philadelphia Sport & Social Club league (I can’t believe I let him talk me into that!). I played the entire game and we won! Winning is such a turn-on! I was high for the rest of the day. A quick nap and car pick-up found us at a trendy Olde City Philadelphia Spanish tapas restaurant for some of the best food we’d had since we met. Neither of us had ever been there and mingling with the city’s beautiful people is always sexy and fun. The weather was breezy, the sidewalks were crammed and the spices and sangria had us feeling content and stimulated. We topped the night off with some good old-fashioned city street racing (more on this next week), which heightened every sense – senses that were highly piqued before we even arrived. Whew!

Well, needless to say, we were in no mood for sleeping when we got back home just after 2:00 a.m. Yes, I love to chill on my weekends but the occasional whirlwind Saturday can throw a nice monkey wrench, a sexy monkey wrench, into my plans!

What's It All About, Elexa?

I think that their might be some confusion out there...are Elexa condoms female condoms? Who uses them? How do you use them? Well, have no fear, I'm about to give you the 411.

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NEWSFLASH! Elexa by Trojan™ Condoms Are BIGGER Than Magnum!

Ever see the box for the Trojan™ Magnum condom? Dark and no-nonsense, masculine and straightforward, they’re obviously an alternative to the fun and games candy-colored concoctions being passed around at parties and in dorms. No-frills Magnums are for those guys not interested in cutesy gimmicks and, yes, for another reason: Magnum’s are larger condoms for LARGER guys. After all, being with a very well-endowed man is serious business!

I remember all those late nights giggling with other girls about how big, how wide, how long and how smooth, but it would be years before I was with a guy who was an actual member of the Magnum club. Lo and behold, my current boyfriend and love of my life, is a card-carrying member! Yay me!

When I began this blog, he was so excited. I thought he was simply excited for me as I’ve wanted a platform for either a sex or a fitness column for some time. But he was beside himself for another reason: he wanted me to blog about him! Now most men would run or the hills at the thought of their girlfriend divulging intimate secrets of their sex life together or, God forbid, relive sexual events from seasons past, pre-him. But not my man. He keeps asking, “When will you blog about me?”

So here goes: my boyfriend sings a ringing endorsement of Elexa by Trojan™ condoms. He loves that they smell normal, not so annoyingly like latex. He loves that they’re comfortable, very comfortable, which somehow surprised him. But the piece de resistance is that, in his words, “I think these condoms are even bigger than Magnums!” He was like a kid on Christmas tearing through each new wrapper for each of the three Elexa condom types: stimulating, ultra-sensitive and natural feel (his favorite is natural feel). He was so curious and wide-eyed. It was like we’d discovered the latest sex toy and couldn’t wait to try it out, not simply doing the routine prep work before going to work. He never complained once about the pastel-colored boxes nor the presumption that they must only be for women. Now, in fact, he doesn’t want to use anything else!

Now how’s THAT for a ringing male endorsement?

Is Contraception Bad??

About 250 people last weekend attended a two-day conference titled "Contraception Is Not The Answer" in Rosemont, Ill., hosted by the Pro-Life Action League, the Chicago Tribune reports. My first thought as I skimmed this article was...Whaaaatttt???

Some attendees at the conference planned to say that contraception promotes "sexual promiscuity," leads to a decrease in birth rates, damages relationships between men and women and "devalues children," according to the Tribune. Some experts say that opponents of contraception likely will attempt to restrict access to its use by calling for cuts to federal family planning programs and allowing pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions to which they have a "conscience" objection, the Tribune reports. Thomas Euteneuer, president of Human Life International, at the conference called for funding to be "tak[en] away" from Planned Parenthood Federation of America for contraception and sex education services, adding that he believes contraception "doesn't prevent abortions, it causes abortion.

I used to be a total Pro-Lifer, was raised and brought up that way. However, the more I found out about my sexual health, the more I realised that contraception and birth control is essential to EVERY single sexually active woman that isn't considering having children right now.

Contraception being equated to Abortion is such a polar jump that it boggles my mind. Being that most contraceptives like condoms and gels prevent the sperm from implantation---where is the abortion here? And most hormonal contraceptives, like the Pill,  and Patch just change the natural environment of the uterus so that implantation is not possible. When you factor in that contraceptives have been shown to significantly decrease the precedence of teen pregnancies and that having a child in a loving, supportive environment to a mature and secure parent is the only way to have well-adjusted kids in this day and age...what's not to love about contraceptives? 

Continue reading "Is Contraception Bad??" »

Sexual Communication - At What Point, Responsibility?

So, The Boyfriend had an issue with my last post on sexual miscommunications.  He thought that the guy who thought we might be about to have sex because we were fooling around was a presumptive jerk.  The Boyfriend was concerned that I was sending the message that it is the woman's responsibility if a guy is an aggressive jerk.  Which was certainly not my intention.  Yeah, No Means No - no matter when you say it.  Yeah, if a guy can't handle that, I think we need to find a zoo for him to live out his days in.

But at the same time - my mother did teach me better safe than sorry and about taking responsibility.

Continue reading "Sexual Communication - At What Point, Responsibility?" »

Annual HIV Testing - Good for Students, Bad for Ignorance

What if everyone had to take an AIDS test? Would it be so bad? Well, that’s what Arizona State University is considering.

Continue reading "Annual HIV Testing - Good for Students, Bad for Ignorance" »

Sexual Miscommunications - Funny and Not So Much

I don't know about you, but open and clear communication about sex is definitely a challenge for me.  Sometimes you know what you should say or what you want to say, and even if you've been with your partner for a while, it just won't seem to come out of your mouth.

Of course, sometimes what you say and what your partner hears are two very different things.

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HIV, STDs and African-American Youth: Time For Change!

A recent study by Brown Medical School and the Bradley Hasbro Children’s Research Center revealed that African-American teens are four times likelier to engage in high-risk sex practices than their White or Latino counterparts and that this likelihood is directly connected to feelings of depression running rampant among all teens, especially Black teens. This truly disturbs me.

I know that most of my blogs are light, humorous and clever. There’s a time and a place for my irreverence. But there’s also a time to get serious and what’s happening sexually to Black youth, who are at a distinct disadvantage as it is, is dead serious - and completely unacceptable. There’s apathy and negligence that so desperately needs addressing, which as an African-American, I do not take lightly. We, African-American women, are the fastest growing HIV/AIDS demographic. Many of us who are infected aren’t even aware of it. But what’s more, this is so commonly an issue of self-worth; our communities so often discourage young Black girls and have them convinced their life’s goal should be getting the starring role as the hoochie plaything in the latest hip-hop video instead of landing the anchor position on the nightly news.

Teenage sex has never needed any PR. There have been predictions all the way back to the very beginnings of rock and roll that the music, the movies, the television shows and now the rap videos will ruin American kids and be the downfall of us all. I’ve never personally seen any correlation between raunchy music and unsafe sex, even among teenagers, but its still a factor. What I have seen, however, is a dramatic transition among young people from innocent and respectful dependence on parenting and core values, especially among Black kids to a more haphazard and hands-off approach. I used to marvel at how permissive most of my White friend’s parents were and how they were allowed to speak to them. I would say, “If that were me and my mom…”. We just couldn’t get away with any disrespect or bold behavior. Not that none of us had sex, it was just undertaken with much greater caution, planning and PROTECTION.

Nonetheless, I plan to get much more involved in this fight to reach out to and educate Black teens about sexual health, confidence and self-worth. I’ll cover it in this blog. If I were one of them, I’d want someone to reach out to me.

You can read more on the study and its findings at the online destination for the Journal of Adolescent Health.

Gay Governors and The View

So I happened to be watching The View yesterday, waiting with anticipation to see how my  nemesis, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, would handle Governor Jim McGreevey. As I expected, she acted like the super-conservative Republican I knew she could be.

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Kellie’s Going Undercover (At a Local Sex Toy Party)!

I’d been hearing about them for a while. These private parties run identically to Tupperware or candle parties, except these parties feature the latest designer vibrators, lubricants and other aids to erotica. Whatever. Anything to make money, right?

I read about it most recently in a Women’s Health article. Scads of women across the country, some single, some not, are clamoring to attend these soirees and snatch up the latest and hottest cinnamon-flavored penis hardener or magic, silk tickler. But it all seemed very contrived and cheesy to me. Call me a cynic, but after a glass of wine and a few obligatory “oohs” and “ahhs,” the thrill would probably be gone.

But now I’m an Elexa Sexy Smart blogger, which means its become my job, duty and obligation to put in some hard core research and sniff all the jams and jellies I can sniff to bring the most up-to-date and accurate information directly to my posts and to my readers. Man, the things I go through for you guys! Just so happened, not long ago, a journalist friend of mine forwarded me the number of a woman in my area who hosts these same types of parties. I came across it today. So I’ll sign up and go.

Undercover will be fun. The role of investigative reporter suits me so I’ll be poking, prodding and sniffing. I’ll also be making comparisons to what’s already in the stores and making sure all these products pass all safety and usability tests.

If you guys have any questions or requests, send them to me here. I’ll be your voice at this party!

Your Questions...Answered

The mailboxes here are filling up and it's my pleasure to answer your questions. But don't be upset if you don't see yours here just yet. I am trying to get to all of them. For now, here are some questions about condoms, discharge, the Pill, and the combination of alcohol and sex.

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Trojan Sexual Health Report Card: Does Your School Make the Grade?

How does your college rank?

I wanted to share with you some news released by Trojan this week. Trojan launched the Sexual Health Report Card which is the first survey that grades the sexual health of colleges and universities across the country and ranks them.

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Three (or more)'s a Crowd.

I have found polyamory and various forms of open relationships very prevalent in Los Angeles. Here, it's as much a part of the getting to know you phase of a relationship as the discussion of religion, children and politics.

How do you vote, and BTW, do you swing?

Continue reading "Three (or more)'s a Crowd." »

SexySmart Podcast #2 from MySpace

Take a listen to my second SexySmart Podcast, originally recorded for the Elexa MySpace group. There are four more to come!

SexySmart podcast 2

Business, Parties, and Your Partner: Just Stir?

I haven't had the option for a while now until recently, but historically spreaking, I'm pro bringing the significant other to business parties.  I've looked at the wife-less and the husband-less at the annual holiday party and thought it sad.  Some chalk it up to the rising rates of babysitters, but I've definitely always thought: May I never have a day where I go to a holiday party without my man when it's an option.  I'm fine on my own, but I prefer to bring the other half of the team.

Continue reading "Business, Parties, and Your Partner: Just Stir?" »

Condoms as Fashion Statement?

Remember Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, the quirky, outspoken member of R&B/pop group TLC? Well, at the group’s inception, she had a habit of wearing huge glasses onstage with a brightly colored condom taped to one of the lenses. She looked ridiculous, but she made a great point.

Young people have always been notoriously reticent about buying condoms and displaying them prominently. In some stores, the condoms are kept only behind the counter because they’d suddenly grow feet if kept anywhere else in the store. Why? I suppose so kids won’t have to be seen at the register with them.

I propose an easy solution to this problem. Let’s get Trojan and Elexa by Trojan to fashion a line of condom holders, akin to the cell phone cozy, to help those in need of camouflaging their latex protection stay on the sly. I don’t get why a healthy, sexually active person needs to be on the down low, but I won’t begrudge them their privacy. I can see why someone with a moral, cultural or religious issue would need to keep the secret. In a recent Reuters article by Natalie Armstrong, 30,000 plus pins and brooches were made from condoms during the International AIDS Conference in Toronto. The goal of “The Condom Project” is to help de-stigmatize the use of condoms throughout the world, especially in high-risk regions like Africa. But don’t think we don’t still have huge issues with the condom stigma here in America.

I can think of things that should be hidden. Who has one of those pink plastic tampon holders? I do. That’s understandable. Nobody needs to know all my monthly business. Remember that episode of The Facts of Life, when Blair found a marijuana joint hiding in a lipstick tube that was really a sneaky secret drug compartment?? Fine, hide the weed. It is illegal. But condoms? Why not be proud of practicing safer sex?

Okay, okay. Still want to keep it secret? Fine. Let’s get you that condom cozy.

The Trinity: Religion, Prostitution, and Publicity

My friend, Suzanne Reisman (who blogs at CUSS and Other Rants and BlogHer), made me aware of a story that I think warrants some attention. It's the story of a woman who hasn't had it easy: multiple children by multiple fathers, abuse, prostitution, pornography, and frequent appearances on the Howard Stern Show. But it's actually the church that she has "founded" that makes me want to talk about her.

Continue reading "The Trinity: Religion, Prostitution, and Publicity" »

Reciprocity in a Relationship

Alot of the women that I have come across really go weak at the knees when their current flame exhibits any romantic inkling or deed. We love it when he brings flowers, sends chocolates, drops us a sweet line in the middle of a busy workday. There are millions of ways that our guys show us that they care, and we adore every single one.

The rule of reciprocity is that your man goes Gaga over the little things you do as well. Guys don't want us to know this...but they enjoy every tiny little effort that we bestow upon them. Think of every single thing that a guy has ever done for you--now come up with some of your own to lavish on your mate.

Be it dinner, tickets to an event they are dying to see, a burned CD of their favorite songs, a book, massage, poetry...anything you do for them will be deeply appreciated. In pleasing them, they in turn try to please you, and the mutual care will slowly blossom into the most giving relationship you have ever had.

Do unto him whatever you would want him to do to you. If you want him to hold your hand, seize his, if you want him to call you, call him. Initiate instead of responding and you will see the eventually your guy will be taking his cues from you.

Cater to your man, cause only you truly can.

From Om to Oh! Do Yoga. Then, Do Him!

Yep, I’m a yoga nut. I’ll sing its praises to anyone. I’ve been practicing for about five years, but it took a while to make me a true believer. My sex life thanks me too.

I’m an athlete from way back, not a prissy cheerleader or gymnast, an A-T-H-L-E-T-E! I believe in sweat. I believe in soreness. I believe in not asking a man to twist open any jars for me: I’m for doing it myself, even if it breaks my hand. I once played in a summer-league basketball game so delirious from the heat I didn’t even know my name, and I was sick for a week afterward, but I never asked to sit on the bench. So convincing me to try yoga was no easy feat. I can’t knock nobody into next week while in a downward-facing-dog pose! I thought it was some trendy gimmick that would fade from our collective consciousness as soon as Madonna’s last tour ended. But then it got serious. And so I tried it. I was in love! But yoga and I could have sped through the courtship phase if I’d only known how much it would do for my libido!

Not only did I sweat in big bunches, and feel soreness I never thought possible, my workouts got better and better. I now know that chaturanga pose is what has strengthened my lower back when lifting weights wasn’t working, that pigeon pose opens the hips and releases bad energy and that I’m generally more relaxed because, among other things, yoga has taught me how to breathe more efficiently. AND…I have consistent and more intense orgasms.

Yes, I went there.

Its well documented, to us workout nuts anyway, that yoga and Pilates strengthen our “core” muscles: abs, lower back, inner thighs and the pelvic floor. These pelvic floor muscles are foreign until identified and really put to use. This, along with the breathing and the relaxation, is what takes yoga from the studio into the bedroom. My most recent ex used to get so turned on when I told him that some contorted, animalistic position was actually a yogic pose that he couldn’t shut up about it. It became a cyclical thing. I wouldn’t miss a class. I’d be distracted during every practice either for reliving our last sex session in my mind or for trying to find a way to make the week’s new pose more sexual. And we weren’t the only ones who caught on. One of Amy Sohn’s Naked City columns a couple years ago for New York Magazine referenced yoga as not only a new sex craze, but also a place to hook up, because men had caught on to its sexual benefits.

It may never be a mainstream, aerobics-like workout option, but yoga studios should find a way to use these findings to help ramp up attendance. Every class will be packed!

The Implications of 9/11: A Fight to End Intolerance

September 11th is a hard day for everyone. Aside from the sadness I feel everytime I look at the gap in my beautiful New York skyline, I feel equal sadness at what 9/11 symbolizes - intolerance of all kinds.

Continue reading "The Implications of 9/11: A Fight to End Intolerance" »

HPV: The New 'Sex Cold'

Moxie has a great thread in her blog this week about HPV. In it, she got asked by a reader what her thoughts were on the fact that his new girlfriend confided in him that she has HPV. She threw the question to her readers, starting a debate that soon grew into a multiple sided issue. It turns out, alot of sexually active people don't know diddly squat about STDs, especially HPV. In the thread there was alot of misinformation as well as negative slants on the progression and contagious nature of the virus. More seemed shocked that Moxie didn't know that much about it and failed to realise that they barely knew anything about it themselves.

Continue reading "HPV: The New 'Sex Cold'" »

Shopping with Your Man

So this weekend, The Boyfriend and I went shirt shopping at Ross.  I needed shirts; he needed shirts and help picking out shirts.  I was afraid on so many levels.

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This is a Quickie.

All the talk about blowjobs lately has me contemplating another favorite sexual activity of mine:  the quickie.  Even better than the blowjob, perhaps, for fitting a little spark into a busy day.

Continue reading "This is a Quickie." »

Boy Toys Revenge: The Double Standard…Part 2

I pride myself on my common sense and focus. Precise, mind-like-a-steel-trap, professional, calculating, independent, these are all adjectives used to describe me. I can recall everything with pinpoint accuracy. I type everything into my PDA. Organized, driven, no-nonsense.

But I am human.

I’ve indeed slipped in the past. I’m sure it will happen again. Perhaps many more times before its all over. Like the off chance that I forget to mark something on my calendar, there were times that I lost my boy toy focus and tried to make a relationship out of a few iffy encounters over drinks and canoodling. That’s bad enough. But why does it always happen with the other type of boy toy, the type you don’t want to make mistakes with?

Boy Toy(s), noun: 2. That guy nobody else will have, not even on a dare. The stray puppy that no matter how perfectly you scratch behind his ear, will snarl at and bite you if you get too close. Devastatingly raw sex appeal, completely intellectually deficient, embarrassingly immature, uncanny ability to target your frailties, huge penis. See: damaged goods, slumming or selling self short.

Trouble is, the boy toy fantasy is always better than the reality. Strong women in the movies don’t have to give those awkward lectures about “wanting more” or “its just not working out and could we just leave it where it is?” In real life, we have some explaining to do. Ever want to leave on the understanding that it was just sex, only to have him not understand? Or worse, ever give your power totally away staying a little too long at the spring fling motel when check out time was so obviously long ago?

No discipline, lonely, embarrassed, drunk dialing in the ladies room, fixated, just once more, lose my number, headache, you ain’t the “happily-ever-after guy,” bored, I can’t ease your pain, hungry, guilty, live and learn, stalker, no orgasm is worth this, desperate, what did I ever see?, loser, move on, if you didn’t have that beautiful penis you’d have a bounty on your head.

I am human.

The Pleasure of Pleasuring (Orally, that is).

Have you heard of the Blowjob Wars? Yes, there is quite a debate going on in the Blogosphere about whether or not women actually enjoy giving blowjobs. And whether or not giving blowjobs is a slap in the face to feminists everywhere. Can you believe this?

Continue reading "The Pleasure of Pleasuring (Orally, that is)." »

When You Are Mad at Him

Now eventually, even the nicest, coolest guy is bound to do or say something totally insensitive or annoying. Some women can let things slide easily, however for majority of us, there are certain things that push our buttons. We erupt, explode, see red and pretty much give him hell for whatever it is.

The biggest thing to remember when you are mad is that you shouldn't fight dirty. Fighting dirty includes name-calling, making fun of, slagging and dissing him/his penis. When you are mad is not the time to remember all the 23 million things that he has done to annoy you but you never told him. Focus on the ONE issue that you are mad about, talk about it and then Let.It.Go. If he's a smart guy, he should have figured out by now how to unruffle your feathers and get himself back into your good graces.

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Boy Toys Revenge: The Double Standard…Part 1

Ever have a boy toy?

Boy Toy(s), noun: 1. That fun guy you just like to hang loose and have electrifying sex with but know nothing serious will ever happen because he’s 10 years younger/got an I.Q of 35/destined for prison. And that’s all right.

Sure you have.

Either it was a boy in high school or college that you can barely remember or something on the side while you were engaged to that nerdy, boring accountant with the nervous tic, or its somebody you’re with now, but you’ve had one. I’ve had them too.

Instant animal attraction, hot car, zero obligations, late-night rendezvous, passion, spontaneity, mystery, who cares if he’s uneducated, fun, fun, fun, blowjobs at the movies, never meeting the parents and if you do its all a huge joke, laughter, too many martini weeknights, irresistible pheromones still on the sheets on mornings after, breathless, hazy, perfect remedy for a horrible breakup, delicious kisses, no promises, hands through the hair, getting out of yourself, perfection.

It is an art. It takes practice. Sounds like I’m an expert, but I’ve never been particularly good at it. I have a reputation for being cool and standoffish that has nagged me since middle school, but damn if I can’t just do a hot boy and then throw him directly in the trash! I should be able to. I wish I could. I’m even willing to give up another cherished talent of the devil’s choice, to just once experience the feeling of freedom I suspect comes from having the focus to screw ‘em and be through with ‘em! I guess its akin to the envy some women feel toward those with thinner thighs or better public speaking skills, I envy the players.

I’ll probably never have the “perfect one-night-stand.” Guys have learned to love being sex objects and perhaps this is the issue. If they all wanted a girl to love and cherish them, to the very end, it may be easier to dump them immediately. My inner sadist can’t come through when deep down, I’m thinking the no-attachments arrangement is something he wants as much or more than I do. Chasing the bigger orgasm is fun unless he’s on his way to another woman’s house right after he leaves yours. Oh, well. It can be fun while it lasts.

Just don’t get too close…

Be a Force for Change

At the International AIDS Conference last month, AIDS advocate Melinda Gates called for prevention tools for women in an effort to prevent HIV infection. Whether you hope to one day be the next Melinda Gates, want to be a “sexpert,” or simply long to be a force in your community in fostering a positive sexuality, it’s never too early to get started on your quest to make a difference. With 79% of junior high teachers and 45% of high school teachers failing to teach about condoms, any time and efforts you can lend to safer sex promotion at your school, your college campus, and/or local community youth center can only help in righting the wrongs of the abstinence-only sex education agenda in our schools and in assisting women in protecting themselves. With some planning, networking, and heart, your efforts can be a huge success. Hopefully, the following five pointers will get you well on your way…

 

  1. Find allies, like Planned Parenthood. You’re going to need people to work with and support you, as well as provide you with venues for advertising, presentation space, and a “home base.” Unless you’ve got a degree in a sex ed, round up a supervisor to oversee efforts, provide guidance, and back you on any political challenges to your agenda. These people may include your school nurse, a health promotion services director or educator, and/or a faculty advisor.

  1. Make sure that you, yourself, have, at the very least, basic “sexpertise.” Take courses that deal with sexuality is sues, read books written by sex experts, and check out legitimate online resources, like the ones below, for sexual health information…
  1. Work with your local health center or department of health. They may be able to provide you with free pamphlets and articles. Some will also lend you samples of contraceptives for presentations, or, if you’re lucky, have safer sex freebies for you to give away as well.

  1. When host workshops, make sure that you’re culturally sensitive and inclusive. Resources that can assist you in specific outreach to the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered community include: the Bisexual Resource and GLBT National Help Center
  1. Keep your programming fun! Whether you’re giving a workshop, are camping out in the student union building with an information table, or are handing out condoms, like Trojan Elexa’s stimulating condoms, get a hold of sexual toys/aids, books, videos, and safer sex supplies for your presentations. Even sex doesn’t captivate an audience forever. So kick things up a notch with some titillating sexual enhancers from these online stores/companies and books, with products and ideas specifically geared towards women, women’s empowerment, and celebrating female sexuality…

More than anything, make sure that your efforts are sustainable. Have somebody you can hand the reins to when you move on, or have a whole sexual health peer advocates program, based on your efforts, in place so that more people can go out and spread the word on safer sex and female empowerment. After all, being a force in and of itself can be contagious.

AIDS: Still "Renting" Space in 2006

Yes. I am a sap - I cry at lots of things, good songs, commercials, anything that tugs at my heart strings ever so slightly. Over ten years ago I saw the show "Rent" when it first appeared on the Great White Way (whatever that means). I had almost forgotten about it completely until I turned on my television this evening and yep, there it was - the big screen version. And the tears began...

Continue reading "AIDS: Still "Renting" Space in 2006" »

Standing By Your Partner

One of my darling readers emailed me this question that struck a few chords with me.

Do you think that women seem to be more accepting of the physical appearance of a loved one, as opposed to men? Take the story of Beauty and the Beast for example. It always seems society overlooks that most times men leave women (I am not making an absolute statement here) that have become disfigured or physically disabled. Some say it is because they just can't handle it. I wonder if you reverse the roles if it would be the same. I think women see more beyond the outside appearance like the country song "Stand by your man".

Interesting line of thought. I think that it's not really a generalization of the sexes as it is a character flaw. For every example of a man leaving his wife when she falls ill there are also apt examples of the guys actually sticking through thick and thin what many a woman has been known to flee. At the same time, there are also scenarios where it's the woman that bails as soon as her man gets into a spot of trouble or difficulty.

I myself have an acute illness that has sent many a guy hightailing in the opposite direction. Sure, they didn't outrightly come out and say that they were afraid of dealing with it, but eventually a few came back to tell me this was the case.

Continue reading "Standing By Your Partner" »

Defining "Desperate"

I think some guys want to think women are desperate.

My first few years in Los Angeles, newly single for the first time ever, I got the “desperate” label a lot. And, to be honest, I was an emotional mess, and I ultimately ended up dating the biggest loser the La La had to offer for five months longer than I should have, so I’ll concede a grain of truth, even if I never felt it was a 100% match. After all, I wasn’t looking to settle no matter what my emotions; surely my life to date is a testament to that if nothing else.

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The Pre-Date Countdown

1.  It's too late to lose 10 pounds, so let it go.
2.  It's also too late to dye any grey hairs (or cover that hot pink experiment), so let it go.  Pretend it's your "Rogue" look.  (Or that you're just that punk rock.)

Continue reading "The Pre-Date Countdown" »

Tech Toy Manifesto

My boyfriend hates to text message. He’ll ignore texts from his friends except in certain cases, (i.e., we’re out and someone needs directions to the club or party we’re all meeting at). He just thinks its stupid. I don’t mind this too much, but I think he’s missing out on another potentially passion-filled exercise that will spice up our sex life and bring us closer.

My last blog was about MySpace and how playing around on the internet is a good way to avoid getting serious. Today, I’ll explore the other side. Hey, I’m fair. I believe in toys. This blog is my ode to sex toys and to having fun and being confident in bed. Our modern technological inventions can certainly help with that.

Technology is great, its amazing in some respects, the way we can communicate with utter strangers, about anything, in a matter of seconds. We can work from home and with palm pilots, cell phones, laptops and wireless access, we can do it all without even hinting that we’re not hard at work in an office, but at the local coffee shop or on the beach. But, with all the ringing and buzzing, and with so many choices, it can also mitigate our ability to get to know each other and really connect too, hence my internet dating complaints.

What if you’re already serious with someone? Can technology help you come closer? I think its possible. We’ve all heard the horror stories of how internet porn has destroyed many a marriage and how pedophiles stalk young innocents who are none the wiser, but modern tech toys can also help nurture a relationship.

My man will sometimes send a sexy e-mail or two during the day. There’s nothing like the rush of being surprised with an “I want you so much” message when I was expecting the garden-variety “how’s your day” message. He hates text messages, but I’m trying to wean him on the occasional sexy text, you know, the “what are you wearing right now?” sort of thing. During a very busy day, a short, sweet, yet sexy text message may be just what the doctored ordered when you’re in back-to-back meetings or otherwise don’t have time to talk on the phone.

He’s an expert at film editing. What if I could get him to splice some film of 91/2 Weeks into a home movie of us doing it?

Hmmm, food for thought.

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Recent Comments

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