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Sexual Communication - At What Point, Responsibility?

So, The Boyfriend had an issue with my last post on sexual miscommunications.  He thought that the guy who thought we might be about to have sex because we were fooling around was a presumptive jerk.  The Boyfriend was concerned that I was sending the message that it is the woman's responsibility if a guy is an aggressive jerk.  Which was certainly not my intention.  Yeah, No Means No - no matter when you say it.  Yeah, if a guy can't handle that, I think we need to find a zoo for him to live out his days in.

But at the same time - my mother did teach me better safe than sorry and about taking responsibility.

Not blame - responsibility.  Personally, my rule is that I try to never do anything that will look stupid if read in a newspaper article about something horrible happening to me.  So yeah, I take some responsibility for not communicating clearly my sexual preferences before getting hot and heavy.  Had things gone bad, however, that's all him.  I believe these two things can co-exist.  Basically, we all need to be smart and respectful.  But a crime's a crime.

How do I take responsibility for my sexual safety?  I lock my door behind me.  Every time.  Laundry, run to the mailbox - every time.  I work on clear communication about sexual situations.  And let's face it, anyone trying to say that I picked them up in a bar and had consensual sex is going to have a hell of a time selling it because of who I am.  That works for me.

If I'm meeting someone I don't know personally and a friend can't vouch, then I meet them somewhere.  I don't get into cars, and I don't take men home from bars.  I certainly don't put up personal ads to "hook up" with strange people in strange places.  I've never even met a potential roommate or sold someone a piece of furniture without having someone else present, and if I had to I would at least send all available information to a friend and schedule a safety call.

If someone gets violent with you - and I certainly hope that never happens - absolutely, they are at fault.

But me, I make it my business to lessen the odds in my favor.


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