You're sexy. You're smart. So be part of the real sexual revolution; Join us for candid talk about intimacy, relationships, protection, and more.
Buy a Box, Give a Box

65 million Americans are currently living with an STD.* And Women are twice as likely as men to contract an STD.* Find out how you can make a difference. Join the Cause. Visit

*Source: American Social Health Association

« HIV, STDs and African-American Youth: Time For Change! | Main | Annual HIV Testing - Good for Students, Bad for Ignorance »

Sexual Miscommunications - Funny and Not So Much

I don't know about you, but open and clear communication about sex is definitely a challenge for me.  Sometimes you know what you should say or what you want to say, and even if you've been with your partner for a while, it just won't seem to come out of your mouth.

Of course, sometimes what you say and what your partner hears are two very different things.

One time a partner asked me if I liked to be spanked.  I do, so I said yes.  Next thing you know, he's thrown me over his lap - and this guy was like 5' 1" to my 5' 4" - and is spanking me like I've been a bad girl.  Much to my surprise and complete lack of sexual arousal.

You know, it made perfect sense, but was nothing close to what I thought he was asking!

Sometimes you or your partner aren't communicating what you think you are.  That guy who whined about the rugburn on his knees - I think he wanted sympathy, but yeah, there's a relationship that wasn't going to work out for me.  And you've got to love the guy who tried to explain his poor oral sex skills by trying to convince me that there was something wrong with me - no amount of open sexual communication was going to fix that one.  Believe me, I had tried.  He even suggested that perhaps I should see my doctor.  Nice.

But here's one that's all on me - that guy who in the heat of the moment asked, "Do you have a condom?" 

Because he thought we might be about to have sex.  Whereas I, in my innocence at the time, had never considered that he would possibly think that's where we were going so soon into dating.  "I, I don't have sex outside of a monogamous relationship," I managed to stutter, as I moved away from him and turned beat red.

And sure, we had quite the conversation then, but I felt like a jerk and rightfully so, I think, because clearly the time to have that conversation was way before things got hot and heavy.  My policy now is risk embarrassment, risk discussing something too soon, risk a bruised ego if that's what it takes, because when it comes to sexual communication the most important thing is that you get it out of your mouth as best you can - before you're naked. 

That's the kinda talk that builds intimacy and trust, no matter where it leads.


TrackBack URL for this entry:

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Sexual Miscommunications - Funny and Not So Much:


Yes, it's so much better to say too much or risk sounding stupid than to *not* communicate! :)

I'm with you on this. I'm from the school of thought that it's better to bring it up, all the issues & questions out in the open than proceed into any course of action without knowing where you stand. I love how you said, "I don't have sex outside a monogamous relationship." That's been one of my precepts as well. Sometimes I end up being too overly descriptive, but really, I just want to make sure that I get the point across.

Post a comment

If you have a TypeKey or TypePad account, please Sign In

Let us hear from you and remember, inappropriate posts will be removed

Save $2.00
Our Bloggers
Logan Levkoff Logan Levkoff
Sexologist/Relationship Expert/TV Personality/Advice Columnist
Liz Rizzo Liz Rizzo
Vixen Vixen
Bad Girls Rule
Yvonne Fulbright Yvonne Fulbright
Sexologist/Sex Educator
Kellie Murphy Kellie Murphy
Pepper Schwartz Pepper Schwartz
Professor of Sociology, University of Washington

Recent Comments

I think that lifeknot is a good idea that has not been done before. With so many other sites out there, it's hard to navigate the good ones from the bad apples. I found Read More >>

Posted by: CC | Jan 14, 2008 12:39:03 PM

Hah! I was emotionally unavailable for about 8 years of my twenties - too many problems at home and at work to focus on men. Result? There was one guy interested in me during those 8 years (!one!)-... Read More >>

Posted by: duh | Jan 6, 2008 2:02:10 AM

Have a Question? Click here for answers

Buy Discreetly
Click here to buy Elexa™ Vibrating RingBuy Discreetly
Buy Discreetly
Elexa™ Vibrating Ring is not for sale in AL, CO, GA, KS, LA, MS, TX or VA.