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Three (or more)'s a Crowd.

I have found polyamory and various forms of open relationships very prevalent in Los Angeles. Here, it's as much a part of the getting to know you phase of a relationship as the discussion of religion, children and politics.

How do you vote, and BTW, do you swing?

I do not.

Certainly, I've found myself thinking about it - hey, I've got as many fantasies as the next girl.  I've even caught myself trying to back into it, see if maybe it does fit.  Like, if it was someone I knew really well, perhaps another couple with whom we were really close friends...  If all the circumstances were right, if we were at just the right place, and I felt really comfortable...

Yeah, that's so not happening.  Do I swing?  No, I do not.

Simply put, when I'm in a relationship, I don't want to be with anyone but the man I'm with.  I want to build an intimate unit between the two of us, glued together with the private things we share.  I believe that the best relationships bloom within a community of support, but I don't want some stranger or some friend in our bedroom any more than I would invite his mom.  There are some things shared exclusively within a couple.  For me, that absolutely includes sex.

Ultimately, it comes down to this.  For me, sex is an wonderful, intimate act that holds meaning within a relationship.  I can't imagine that it can be just "fun" with one person and then "meaningful" with others - for me, it is both.  Or that sex is always just physical and that intimacy comes from other things.  Surely, intimacy does come from a variety of shared experiences and beliefs - including sex.  Some people maintain more than one sexually intimate relationship - I can respect that as someone's truth, but it's not mine.  Sex is something I only share with one person, within a relationship.

That's who I am, and that's what I bring to the table.  I expect nothing less in return.


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Ah, but what level of flirtations? There's flirting and then there's swinging and such.

I think that even if your relationship is strong, you can enjoy flirtations and still be monogamous. I found that these flirtations really helped jumpstart my 22-year marriage.

I have a good friend who in the course of our many years of friendship confessed to me that she has been a part of a threesome (she and her beau and a male friend to them both) on occasion. I have tried my best to be non-judgmental and cool about it, but everything within my jealous nature and uptight little heart screams NO. Or HOW COULD YOU. For all the reasons you state and then some.

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