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65 million Americans are currently living with an STD.* And Women are twice as likely as men to contract an STD.* Find out how you can make a difference. Join the Cause. Visit

*Source: American Social Health Association

« September 2006 | Main | November 2006 »

Sick Boyfriend Needs Chicken Soup

The Boyfriend has a horrible cold right now.  We went to a Halloween party on Saturday night and played a board game with friends on Sunday night - meanwhile he's sneezing.  And sneezing.  And sneezing.

Continue reading "Sick Boyfriend Needs Chicken Soup" »

What Would You Do to Snag a Mate?

As you already know, I have this thing about reality television. I have a complete fascination obsession with it. I am a true voyeur and the trashier the show, the more I love it. The object of my affection (though I am ashamed to admit it) for this week is Flavor of Love.

Continue reading "What Would You Do to Snag a Mate?" »

Doing Favors For Your Partner

Have you seen that commercial where the guy picks up the toy that's fallen out of a stroller? And then someone sees him and then does something nice for someone else? And so on, and so on. It's a cool commercial, and I keep thinking about it.

'Cause this month, The Boyfriend let me borrow his car.

Continue reading "Doing Favors For Your Partner" »

The Miseducation of An Ex-Boy Toy

While I was working late one night last week, I logged onto iChat just to see if anyone was around. Well, just so happened that a guy, a very young guy, that I spent a fun month with last summer was logged on too. We caught up for a few minutes, exchanged updates about work, friends and family and then, he filled me in on his new single status. After a while, he opened up to me that, for lack of a better way of putting it, I completely “turned him out.”

No, not like that. He was by no means a virgin when I had him. And he has absolutely zero gay tendencies. However, at 22 years old he had very little experience with a woman who knew her way around a man’s body like a woman of 34 years, as I was at the time, did. I gave him some pretty spectacular experiences and a few choice “firsts.”

He admitted to now having some very intense dominance/submission fantasies because of me. Really? Then he said he had done some research on a few anal toys, like vibrating balls and paddles, and plans to investigate this more, also because of me. Interesting. Well, I did give him that extended lap dance that night wearing my tallest heels and looking very Amazon-ish. If my not letting him touch me during that 20-minute episode could trigger his inner submissiveness, I’m more than happy to have helped. I gave him his first prostate massage as well, and you should have seen him respond! But I warned him he was about to have the orgasm of his life, so if he wants to play with his own prostate gland to try and recapture that pleasure, well then I’m two for two. “I always thought that it would be exciting and fun for a woman to take control, but few women seem to do it though,” he said. “Once I'd like to be helpless and out of control, a woman’s plaything for a change lol. I think you created a monster.”

Damn, I’m good.

Menstruation - There is a Reason Why We Get a Period

Having a period is an essential component of being female (at least until menopause). But now there's a lot of hype about a new pill on the market that allows you to continously cycle your birth control so that you wind up period-free. (Now that may make detecting pregnancy a little bit more difficult, huh?)

Continue reading "Menstruation - There is a Reason Why We Get a Period" »

Spooning Basics

Ever since I realised what Spooning was, I've enjoyed it. There is such comfort, security and sense of attachment found with just that one position. When cuddling, most couples end up with the woman as the little spoon and the man curving around her like the big spoon. Over my Spoon Cuddling history, I've found out that there are different kinds of spooners. Some can be mixes of a couple of the styles, while some guys tend just not to spoon at all. The way a guy spoons you can be indicative of the level of your relationship at that  particular period. Who knew?

Continue reading "Spooning Basics" » Pay-Per-Minute Porn!

Along my more recent quests for sexy dirt and dirty sex, affordable shoes and the newest skinny jeans notwithstanding, I stumbled across something very interesting. Have you ever heard of online, adult, pay-per-minute movies? This sounds like quite the alternative to those seedy, windowless “adult” bookstores and that out-of-the-way porn section of the video store. This should be all the rage, right?

When I first saw the teaser cards for while at the register of one of my local sex shops, I became curious. I thought it was a great thing. One of my early jobs as a teenager was at a local video store. The other girls and I used to relish late Saturday nights, because if we were stuck working instead of partying with our friends, well at least we could be entertained watching young men trickle in, as the store emptied and giggle at those sheepish looks on their faces as they tried to act like they weren’t headed into that tiny back room. And the capper was when someone came in you actually knew and whose sister or girlfriend or mom you actually knew! That was the best! Imagine never again needing to hang your head at the thought of renting porn or take that gulp and quick, sly peek around the store to see if anyone was watching. Porn has changed as the times have changed and its now more inexpensive, accessible and easily kept secret than ever before. is a site boasting more than 8,000 adult films by The Top Adult Studios, whatever that means. There are prepaid cards and the option to download for later viewing (read: sharing). It allows a viewer to watch a movie as many times as they want in two days (maximizing the jerk off potential). There are no membership obligations or billing schedules, meaning no paperwork gets mailed to your house.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps this isn’t such a good thing. Should porn freaks get off, no pun intended, so easily? Porn, the web type and otherwise, is cited as a factor in many separations and divorces these days, including the newly separated country singer Sara Evans, and there’s no doubt that this is a multi-billion-dollar business: a $57 billion-dollar business, in fact, according to (yes,, I could NOT make that up!). A quarter of all internet searches are porn-related and ten percent of adults ADMIT to being addicted to porn. How many just don’t admit it? Maybe being a little embarrassed is a good thing. Maybe porn enthusiasts need that conscience check, that little voice in their ear asking, “Should I really be doing this?”

Besides, if porn becomes too much of a routine thing, won’t you forget how to interact sexually with another human being?

Male Hormonal Contraceptives

There was an article in the LA Times last week on the advances made by the pharmaceutical industry in creating and researching alternative birth control measures for men besides the condom & vasectomies. Several labortories are in the testing phases of different types of birth control (most applied via injections, implants, gels) that will effectively reduce a guy's sperm count while still maintaining the ability to orgasm. In addition, once he stops using it, his sperm count will bounce right back to normal.

The studies are still in the experimental stages yet are going on so well that thousands of men have volunteered to be guinea pigs of the various forms of contraception. So far, they've been able to cut down the production of sperm, however there have been side effects that are similar to steroid therapy side effects. Mainly because they are physiologically changing the chemical balance of testosterone and progestin levels in the body.

There is no proof that this will be available in the next 10 years, but the researchers have been making significant leaps towards success.

My questions are:

Would you let your guy get on hormonal birth control?
Would you stop using yours if he did?
Would you trust him to implicitly prevent you from getting pregnant the same way you have been protecting him from it all this time?

Read the article in it's entirety HERE.

What is it about condoms that makes everyone smile?

Oh, that's right - it's the sex!

So I'm standing at a screenwriting conference in Los Angeles, chatting in a hotel lobby with some old and new friends, when one of my friends says, "Hey, where's the goods you promised me?  That's what I want to know."

Continue reading "What is it about condoms that makes everyone smile?" »

A Whole Week of Anti-Porn Rhetoric?

Have I been living under a rock? Or am I so totally immersed in my oddly liberal NYC life that I didn't know that this week (according to a statement that G.W.Bush made in 2003) is "Protection from Pornography" week. WTF?

Continue reading "A Whole Week of Anti-Porn Rhetoric?" »

Accidental Adultery: Oops, I Dated a Friend?

I recently read an interesting post called "Accidental Adultery" by Jay in Toronto on her blog, Kill the Goat.  I don't know... have you ever had this problem?

Continue reading "Accidental Adultery: Oops, I Dated a Friend?" »

The Sex Toy Party: The Date Is Set!

On September 20th I blogged about getting a tip about a woman in my area who throws sex toy parties for women who want an alternative to waxy, yawn-inducing candle parties. I’m still not a firm believer, but it sounds like fun and the investigative reporter in me must go. So, I signed up.

Her name is Stephanie Taylor, a single mom from Bensalem, PA and she’s a contractor for a company called “Its sort of like what you’d find at a Home Interiors or The Pampered Chef parties, but a lot more fun. Our products include everything from lingerie, lotions, creams, toys, books…the works. We pass everything around. We have a really good time – you’ll be cracking up the whole time,” Taylor says.

She’s been doing these parties for more than two years. She got started harmlessly enough: she was invited to a party and had a great time. Then, she hosted her own party and the ball started rolling. She was in college getting a Public Relations degree and decided to supplement her income. A contact gave her the information to set herself up as a contractor and she’s been throwing parties ever since. In fact, the money is so great doing this, says Taylor, that in no time, she was making more part-time, than in her full-time career. “This business has doubled in the length of time that I’ve been with it,” Taylor says. “I have a team of girls that work under me. And there are more than 10,000 employees in my company alone.”

But during a Slumber Parties by Steph party, the hostess, you, gets assigned one special party sales rep that makes sure you and your guests sample and sniff loads of fun stuff! The hostess receives many, many free goodies, gift certificates, a veritable sex den shopping spree. There’s even confidential ordering for those women, shy types (read: not me), who need to replace their vibrating clitoris stimulators in private.

The date of my party is November 7th in Philadelphia.

So, what would you like me to test out? Vixen wants some market analysis on The Dolphin vs. The Rabbit. Send me your requests. I’ll see what I can do.

Stay tuned.

Using a Condom? Here's How

I am a big believer in sex ed refreshers...yes, everyone needs a little refresher of information every once in a while - especially when it is something as important as sex. So, welcome to my class. Today's lesson: "How to Use A Condom".

Continue reading "Using a Condom? Here's How" »

What Should You Look For In A Sex Shop?

I stopped to visit the friend of a friend recently, now that she started a new job. She’s a former receptionist who now worked in a sex shop. As she and my friend talked, I perused the store, where I expected to find the usual vibrators and whips, but in this store, called Passional, I found so much more.

Kali Morgan, from Philadelphia, is a former artist who opened the store 10 years ago because she always liked the products she ended up selling. Not only does she offer all the latest gadgetry, I found great sexy cards and stationery, erotic fiction of all types and really great fashion: everything from traditional lace-up corsets to tight rubber dresses and those really tall, glass-bottomed platform stripper heels.

Cue French maid fantasy…

But that’s not all. I was especially impressed by the magazine she publishes, Passional Magazine, and intrigued by the sex classes she offers. That’s right. Sex classes! It was then very clear that this store and its owner want to appeal to everybody seeking to learn more and explore their sexuality, not just those interested in very alternative and kinky sex play. “Dress for ‘Sexcess’: Fashion As Sex Toys,” for example, gets couples to open up about what turns them on. “Its basically two hours of party games and true confessions about what couples really want to look at or what really makes them feel sexy,” says Morgan.

The couples taking this class must also feel comfortable swapping underwear. “Men always secretly like to cross dress. Its pretty common. Sometimes there are competitions about who can go the farthest ‘out there,’ says Morgan. Passional hosts classes every Friday as part of their sex education program. Sometimes Morgan teaches, sometimes she brings presenters in to teach.

…And I seriously doubt the people frequenting these sex “seminars” are the types to ask if their butts look big in their jeans. They are confidence personified and probably take their “education” seriously. There are classes on sadism, pole dancing and sensory deprivation.

Holy Blindfold Batman!

So isn’t this what we should expect from a sex shop? Toys and trinkets have their place, and sexy message cards to swap for the usual yawn-inducing Hallmark fare can be commended. However, a sexy store where we can learn a little about ourselves, maybe join a group or two and leave with greater ammunition in our arsenal, well, that’s a sex shop!

Check out some other Passional class descriptions here.

The Vibrating Ring

I tried the Vibrating Ring last night. WOW. It was freakin' amazing! Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have the Rabbit attached to your lover? Well, Elexa has solved the problem for you. You have got to try this! It's like having sex and masturbating at the same time. This is one sex toy that you can easily introduce into your routine with ease and it won't totally turn him off. It comes in a condom scary can that be?

The ring is placed on the base of the guys penis before sex and then he gets in you. It's pre-packed with a you can be safe at the same time. There's a tiny knob on the side that you push in to get it to start vibrating and comes pre-installed with a battery. It vibrates for up to 20 minutes (for some reason mine worked for waaaaay longer), massaging your clitoris while he's in you.

The buzz is not too abrasive or too stimulating---it's soft almost like hummingbird wings. He's moving at the same time so that reduces the constant friction. It  has the possibility of giving you at least 2 orgasms in a row (or more!).

My only complaint would be that the knob is tiny and there's really no way to shut it off once you start having sex without breaking the rhythm of things. In addition, you might not want to use it on a guy that has premature might cause him to be even more premature than he is.

If you haven't tried it, definitely give it a go! It was so cool that I can't wait to break out my second box...and will be stocking up on more after that.

Have you tried the Vibrating Ring yet? If so, what did you think?

scratching the 7 year itch

So here I am in LA, waiting to be picked up and taken to the studio to shoot The Greg Behrendt Show. I am taping a show about sex in long time relationships/marriages and it has got me thinking, do we put too much emphasis on sex and not enough on exploring the different types of intimacy that we experience as we move through the stages of a relationship. We are told too often that sex can be as hot as it was when we first met and we wind up being disappointed. So here's the honest answer - sex can still be hot, but it is impossible to replicate the experience that you had when you first met and couldn't get your hands off one another. I mean, you still may play around with under the table gropings and quickies - but the feelings that you had when you first explored someone's body have evolved. Instead of feeling badly that we aren't having sex the way we did when we first met we should look at sex as a new adventure. But there are challenges along the way. Children, financial obligations, family, and work stress can screw up our libido - not to mention changing hormones. I think what I am trying to say is that you can't take anything for granted. Even if you've been with the same partner for ten years you need to check in and see what their new desires are and how they are handling the changes in your physical relationship. Communication is essential whether you are just starting out or years in. I can guarantee that there are still things about your partner that you don't know or completely forgot about. Either way, incorporating those things back in can recharge your sexual batteries - it doesn't mean it will be the same as it once was - but that's okay - we're not exactly the same people as we once were and we might have new fantasies too.

Sex in Islam

The Wall Street Journal last week had an inspiring story of Dr. Heba Kotb, a Muslim medical doctor and sex therapist based in Cairo. She's one of the first in the Islamic religion to talk about sex in public. Her teachings have been inspirational to both married and single women, who have never been taught anything about sex because it's a taboo subject culturally. Most of the information they do have is gleaned from the internet and their peers, so Islamic women have had to deal with intimacy based on what little information they have obtained from society.

This radical approach has enlightened many women, mostly middle-class married women with families who have sexual problems at home. In addition to a TV  and radio talk show, seminars and lectures route, couples come to her for counseling and she encourages them to open the lines of sexual communication as well as advice on satisfying your partner and increasing intimacy. Dr. Kotb has been able to circumvent the more stringent beliefs of Muslims regarding sexuality by incorporating alot of what she's teaching with knowledge directly gotten from the Qu'aran as well as their culture. Mixing religion with science has allowed for more open-mindedness in learning from her.

However, there are those who feel that educating women this way is the first step that leads down the road to "Western promiscuity". It's forbidden to have sex before marriage according to the Islamic belief, and her critics say that talking about sex has the probability of exciting young minds into breaking that founding precept.

Abdel Moety Bayoumi, a member of the Islamic Research Academy, said sex education could be accepted if done "from a religious perspective" to teach people what's right and what's wrong. There was no need for going beyond that, he added. "Look at how many generations have gone through their whole lives without sex education. Did this affect human life?"

I was raised in a staunch religious background which made sex a taboo as well. However, I realised that the older I got, the more I wanted to learn about it. I couldn't talk to my parents about it, and my friends were just as clueless as I was. Not having the resources and opportunity at my disposal made me end up learning things the hard, dumb way---through experience! Some were good, but the bad ones could have been avoided if I was better informed in my youth.

What do you think? Does sex education really make you want to have sex?

Dating Truths: See what I did? I didn't let it lie.

Here's a dating truth:  People will tell you things you need to know if you're listening.  In a perfect world, people would always communicate openly and clearly, but in the real world, where everybody's just doing the best they can with all their hopes and fears and uncertainties, sometimes you have to listen.  To jokes.  To off-handed comments.  To remarks that seem off somehow, and especially to anything like that that's repeated more than once.

Continue reading "Dating Truths: See what I did? I didn't let it lie." »

Mars vs. Venus: The Debate Continues!

The Washington Post recently reported a story about how a study from McGill University in Montreal is challenging the accepted vernacular of the last 10 years about how women are sexually and emotionally oriented differently then men. Yes, I’m referring to that Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus junk that polarized us and put us into very tight, uncomfortable (for me) categories like a straight jacket. So, now that I have a platform, I can’t resist posting my thoughts.

The study, conducted by Irv Binik, psychology professor and director of the Sex and Couple Therapy Service at Royal Victoria Hospital serves to confront that age-old standard, the one that maintains that women take longer to become sexually aroused than men or may not want it as much. Total nonsense. Binik had men and women watch some skin flicks and then tested them for arousal with thermographic cameras. Binik discovered that both men and women became aroused within 30 seconds. Take that! Men reached maximum arousal in about 10 minutes (women in about 12), but what’s two minutes when we’re well on our way to maximum thigh warmth and nipple hardness? Binik’s even quoted saying, “There is no difference in the amount of time it takes healthy young men and women to reach peak arousal."

Now will everybody just shut up??

I believe we need to think hard about how much these cultural and societal norms affect how we see ourselves sexually and definitely encourage our behavior toward “acceptable” standards. We all know it ain’t biological! Books like Men Are From Mars… and The Rules give women an excuse to be passive when we should take control of our relationships, our sex lives and our sexual health. We don’t need a study to tell us that we want sex just as much and as badly as men and that we get just as aroused and in just as short a period of time, do we?

Of course we don’t.

We need to realize how dangerous this is. The same passivity that leads women (and men) to believe that a woman’s place is in the home is the same passivity that leads to women being less educated, making less money, being the one who works a full day AND does hours and hours of housework when she comes home, that makes women irresponsible about their sex lives and likely to remain in romantic and sexual situations that are unhealthy. See the connection? We need to acknowledge this and work to combat it.

Coquettish games are a thing of the past and the coyness about sex and the power of female sexuality is quickly becoming obsolete out of dire necessity. When we’ve become a society where women contract an STD at twice the rate as men, we should expect nothing less. Leave the passive/aggressive game in the bedroom because that’s the only place that its acceptable. Who has a whip?

Findings from the Binik study are expected to be published in the January edition of the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Saying 'I Love You'

Of all the relationship milestones, this is one that brings a thrill to my heart. It signifies (especially if it's mutual), that the relationship has gone past the lower stages of infatuation, lust and chemistry and developed into something more. It signals a strong attachment to the guy and has the hope of a bright, loving future.

However, once this milestone has been crossed, sometimes, saying I Love You becomes too nonchalant. Our society has trivialised the phrase to cutesy Valentine day cards and incentive for hidden agendas. Using it as an excuse or reason for one's actions frustrates me. Using it as a sign-off phrase or greeting tarnishes the important of those three words. Using it in the heat of a sexual moment diminishes the great capabilities that the phrase has. Using it to soothe me in the midst of an argument fires up my ire.

I'm a firm believer that every single time that I say I love you, I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. I actually do get that warm feeling and flutter and I strongly do feel the love brimming over. I strongly advocate that every single time he says it---he means it as well. This to me retains the power of the phrase, and the strength of it. I know that every single time he tells me he loves me---he means it.

In addition, actions really do speak louder than words. Show me you love me, as well as saying it. Sometimes a loving gesture, a massage, a hug or a sweet smile gets the same message across. There are other words & phrases as well, appreciative words, thank-yous and words of acceptance and pride.

Keep the power and emotion in your words. Don't be part of the society that diminishes love into less than it is. Don't use it to manipulate him into do what you want. Don't let it become routine and mundane. Don't use it as a reason for doing things that you know are inconceivable. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Say I Love You...when you honestly, truly do.

Available condoms make a difference.

Having condoms free and readily available as I was becoming sexually active had a positive effect on my life.  When I was in undergrad, condoms were out there, and we all carried them around.

That's why I'm so excited by Elexa's new "Buy a Box, Give a Box" campaign.

Continue reading "Available condoms make a difference." »

The Milk Was Free, and That's Okay

Do all women want to be married? Yeah, I didn't think so...but apparently, there are some so-called "experts" that are desperate to help women get hitched.

Continue reading "The Milk Was Free, and That's Okay" »

Buy A Box, Give A Box! Let’s Get Everyone Involved!

I got a new client a couple of weeks ago. I’m the city coordinator for a national pilot campaign to increase the number of African-American women who get tested for HIV. During the training for this new post I was bombarded with facts and stats about how grim it is for all women, especially Black women, what with so many still not educated enough about STDs or still too reticent to take complete control of their sexual health. Elexa by Trojan is doing their part.

Until December, buying a box of Elexa condoms will result in a donation of a box of those condoms to a women’s group by Gifts in Kind, a well-respected product grant maker. This is tremendous in making sure condoms are readily available to women and in reducing the stigma around seeking out, buying and using condoms every time we have sex. Its the least we, who have more knowledge and more accessibility, can do for those who may not. But that’s not all we can do.

In my new post for the pilot HIV testing program, I’ll be visiting whoever I can in the Philadelphia area who can be partners with me to get more Philly women tested. I’ll be visiting Temple University, Philadelphia’s largest, which is in the bottom 20 on Trojan’s Sexual Health Report Card. I’ll be talking to many women and women’s groups in the city who fit the demographic: Black women between 18 and 34 who are in or are seeking monogamous relationships with men. What else can I do? The same thing you can do…

Among my friends, I’m always the one who knows the most about the newest STD on the scene or a different mutation of the same old ones. I’m always the one who has the correct information on everything concerning women’s issues, everything from sex toys to toxic shock syndrome to genital mutilation. Ask me anything. Really, ASK! And that’s what I challenge all my readers to do. Ask questions. Let’s get involved. No matter where you live or what your personal opinion, there’s something you can do to increase the number of women you know who are better informed and in control of their sexual health. Let’s band together. Let’s volunteer at our local health clinics. Let’s get sex toy manufacturers to include a condom in every package. Let’s buy a box of condoms and offer them for guests on our coffee tables instead of candy or fruit. We can make the difference. Ask me anything!

You can find out more about the Buy A Box, Give A Box campaign at Elexa Sexy Smart.

Women Helping Women

Moxie has a great post on her blog about the power of positive thinking. She was walking down the street one day, thinking about a troubling conversation that she had just had with her father a few hours before, looking down and frowning. A woman passed her on the street and stopped her, saying with a smile, "Keep your head up, baby. Life's not so bad."

Continue reading "Women Helping Women" »

You Should Ask Him Out, If You Want To.

This is my new and studied position. Upon landing in Los Angeles and finding myself single at 30... Well, I read all The Books. You know, all those dating books? I know you know The Books, even if you haven't had the joy of reading them and trying to figure out the right and wrongs of the dating scene.

Even I, champion of the go-with-your-gut philosophy, bought into thinking that maybe, just maybe, The Books knew something I didn't know. So I did the best I could for years, reading and thinking and seeing what happened.

Continue reading "You Should Ask Him Out, If You Want To." »

Let's Talk About Anyone Who Will Listen

Did you know that October is Let's Talk month? Technically, it is designed to encourage parents to talk to their children and teens about sex (which you know I wholeheartedly support and write about quite frequently). But I feel like we can reinterpret this to fit any of our individual needs.

Continue reading "Let's Talk About Anyone Who Will Listen" »

If Women Are Twice As Likely to Get an STD as a Man…

...then why are women not buying and carrying a condom?

I write and talk about sex with women, A LOT.  And it always surprises me how few women are sexually assertive enough to carry their own condoms.  I mean, these are modern women living in the 21st century, buying their own cars, homes, but not a device that will protect their sexual health?  It’s baffling.  15.3 million people are infected with STDs each year and 65 million people have an incurable STD, so hello, it’s time for us all to get “SexySmart”. Being SexySmart means being responsible about your sexual health and enjoying a more intimate and pleasurable sexual experience on your own terms.  As women are twice as likely as men to contract a STD, the makers of Trojan products want women to protect themselves and help protect others and have announced a new program to do just that.  This program is the “Campaign for SexySmart” and beginning in October, when anyone buys a box of Elexa condoms, the makers of Trojan will give a box to women’s shelters and clinics.  Why is this program so great?  Because no woman can afford to go uninformed and unprotected. 

So you ask, how does the “Campaign for SexySmart” work?  For every box of Elexa condoms purchased from now until December, the makers of Trojan  will donate a box of Elexa condoms to Gifts In Kind - a minimum of 1 million condoms – to help protect women in need. Gifts in Kind, the leader in the field of product philanthropy, will distribute these condoms to women across the United States who are at risk of STDs and unintended pregnancy and who may not have access to or the means for which to buy condoms.  It’s easy as that.  You buy a box, and they’ll take care of “giving” it for you.  So what do you think about that ladies (or guys)?  Is it time for you to get SexySmart?

Leaning on Your Relationships

What do we want when we run to our friends, family and lovers with our problems?  Is it a search for solutions, solace, comfort?  I've been having a rough week, but during it all I've had people to call and reach out to, and I am so thankful for that.

Continue reading "Leaning on Your Relationships" »

Vibrating Panties on the Greg Behrendt Show!

Should fashion really be used as sex toys? Last week on The Greg Behrendt Show, a new daytime relationship talk show airing nationwide, Greg, who penned the women’s must-read He’s Just Not That Into You, interviewed a “sexpert” who arrived with a trunk full of the latest sex goodies in tow. Beside all the obligatory lotions and potions was something very interesting, something that could spark a huge sexual trend, if used with just the perfect amount of slyness and naughtiness: vibrating panties.

I love to use Elexa's relatively new vibrating rings. They’re efficient, effective and just interactive enough where your man won’t feel banished to the ranks of mere spectator. But vibrating panties? This takes the idea of interactive sex play one step further. Forget about the issue of the toy taking the place of real skill in your man’s repertoire, but what of the notion of being able to (literally) turn a woman on and off, with the touch of a switch?

Here’s how it works: a small transmitter is sewn into the fabric of the panty’s crotch, which you could feel on its own, but then can be further activated by electrical charge when a second party (your partner) presses a button on a remote control device up to 20 feet away. And the extras include both an acceleration button and a “circling” button. WHAT??? You mean I can be standing in the kitchen getting my freak on, at my man’s urgency, while he’s on a conference call in the home office?

What’s happening to us? We already don’t get up to turn the television channel, we don’t use a key to get into the car anymore and remote vacuums are cleaning our carpets. Those are mundane things that we should be happy to automate so we can have more sex! Now sex is by remote control??

But its not my place to judge how people have their freaky fun. Perhaps a deal can be brokered between ESPN and the manufacturers of these fun pants. At least non-sport wives and girlfriends would have something to do before half-time.

What Would You Do?

Would you sleep with a man who refused a condom? A reader talks about her struggles with her boyfriend...

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Are You Too Picky?

I was chatting to a male friend the other day and he stated that the reason so many of us beautiful, successful, intelligent women are single are because we are too picky. "Most of you ladies nowadays have lists and you say you know what you want and then start to measure every guy against your list. What you find alot of the time is that no one person hits everything on your list. Maybe they make like 50% or 70% but it is rare that one person will hit the mark completely. Now I'm not saying settle by any means. There is a certain amount of compatibility that two people must have in order for a long term relationship to work. But, just don't be too hard on us men."

Ok Mr. Hot Stuff, allow me to tell you something. The reason that most of us are single is not that we are picky, it's because we are highly selective. Don't knock our lists because there isn't anything superficial on there. The thing about it is, I feel that I meet every single aspect on the list, and so much more. So why should I settle for...say a guy that can't even type a coherent thought together? Or someone that has to swear 7 times in a 10 word sentence? Or a person that is incapable of taking care of themselves? Or someone who smokes, has violent tendencies or is involved in illegal business ventures?

The Master list has 44 points, things that I have realised that I cannot compromise on, character traits that are very very important to me. Nothing on the list is unattainable, most of the components are things that most decent men should have.

50-70% is actually a low grade for me. I feel that to actually consider someone worth marrying, they should make about 90% on the real list. I have met several men who make a cut on the's not that it's an impossibility. There are no superficial elements like height/weight/race on the list because I feel that those are not as essential as a person's character, intelligence and morality.

Knowing what I want isn't the reason I'm single. Not finding what I want is.

Do you think that most Singles are single because they are picky? Let's hear your thoughts.

Hot Boys in Hot Cars

I’m working on a story for one of the magazines I write for about the street racing scene in Philadelphia. Imagine scores of young boys and their friends and girlfriends with goofy, orgasmic gazes, lining the curbs while illegal, quarter-mile drag races happen late weekend nights along discreet stretches of smooth, Southwest or Northeast Philly asphalt. I know it well. I’ve been one of them for a while now.

Speed has always been an aphrodisiac. I’m sure even June Cleaver had a hot fantasy of Ward on the back of a pulsating bike going zero-to-sixty faster than either of them could say “Beaver.” So, I knew what I was getting into when I pitched the idea to my editor. Looking back, I think I was looking for a little extra, ahem, “stimulation.”

Well, I found it. And I also found many, many hot boys more than eager to appease my curiosity about how fast they could go, why their whips were superior to any others and what was hiding under their hoods. You know: V-Tec engines, cams, Audi blocks for VWs, potato guns and what not. And although I know much more about cars than the average female, I’d be lying if I said I was more interested in the cars than in the guys themselves. Revving their engines and giving each other’s rides the approving or disapproving once over, my interest in the automotive arts gave way to my even greater passion for studying and admiring pure, unmitigated testosterone.

It reminds me of what Randy, my escort during my visits to Southwest Philly, told me. “My car is like one big vibrator. Get in and you’ll see what I mean.”

Compete Your Way to Better Sex

I love to bicker. Yes, it's true. Whether it's a political debate or a little he said, she said banter, I have to say, it really gets me going.

Continue reading "Compete Your Way to Better Sex" »

The Many Benefits of Sexercise

A popular question I get asked by lots of women is what the real deal is on sexercise – can it really help gals to get in shape? And while a roll in the hay can result in a luscious lover burning 100-150 calories, the true benefits of sexercise don’t lie in whether or not you can work up a good sweat, but in how it can boost the way you feel about yourself.  After all, getting in shape, whether in the sack or at the gym, can make you feel more attractive, increase your self-esteem, and ultimately charge your sex life even more!  Feeling energized and confident, and, in turn, more sexually attractive, are all factors that contribute to your sexual vitality, desire and satisfaction.  And of course, once you feel super sexy, others see you that way too. 

In general, being physically fit makes for better sex in that your libido and sexual functioning are primed for action. When you exercise, endorphins - mood-elevating compounds - are released, creating the deep relaxation needed for amazing sex.  Even better, these endorphins also help minimize pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS), menstrual cramps, and the discomforts of menopause in women, making for a hotter love life.

As long as it’s regular and moderate, almost any type of exercise, sexercise included, improves sex.   This is because our nervous and cardiovascular systems, which are utilized when we workout, contribute to our sexual functioning.  A healthy nervous system is what helps you to enjoy all sorts of erotic stimulation, e.g., your lover’s scent.  It does this partly through the release of certain hormones, with a relaxed body being more sexually responsive to arousal.  Your nervous system is also what increases blood flow to your genitals when stimulated by relaxing the smooth muscle tissues of the pudendal arteries, which carry blood flow to the genitals.  The result: you experience more sexual excitement and vaginal lubrication. 

A healthy cardiovascular system also results in better bodily response to your sexual wants, including your sex drive.  A healthy heart and blood vessels allow for improved blood flow throughout your entire body, filling your tissues, genitals included, with rich oxygen. 

While you can benefit from practically any kind of exercise, being able to have sex for better sex and a more shapely body is definitely a great way to go for many, partners willing.  For the best results, adorn his pride and joy with a Trojan Elexa condom before climbing on top of him for the ride of his life.  A little bit of rodeo action on a regular basis should definitely help to keep you, and your relationship, in shape.

Tips on Staying Committed to Your Partner

There is an article in October's issue of Women's Health written by James Vlahos that further elucidates how to form a closer monogamous bond with your partner. Contrary to the popular belief that our generation doesn't have the fortitude to be committed to one person 'until death', the writer explores the facets of attraction and how to keep the zing in the relationship even when you are long term monogamous.

Science has proven to us that the brain does secrete chemicals that make us get the feelings of lust, romantic love and attachment. However, even though we get these urges, for some reason, the brain slows down on the chemical 'doping' once the attachment is formed. It's like Mother Nature does everything in her power to get you together and then right after that----you are on your own.

The author further explores how to trick your brain into staying faithful to one partner. He actually planned a date using precepts from nature and science with his girlfriend just to test his theory. Here are the most interesting conclusions:

  1. Exercise together. Like Elle Woods would say, "Exercise gives you endorphins...endorphins make you happy."
  2. Do exciting things together. Then you associate the good, exciting feelings with being with your partner.
  3. Cuddle. Mmmm! Cuddling increases the body's levels of oxytocin, and this makes you horny.
  4. Do the deed. (I really don't need a second invitation/reason on this one!)

What are some other things that you think a couple should engage in to keep the sparks alive and the relationship strong?

Read the article in it's entirety HERE.

Seven Reasons It's Great to Be Single

This weekend, I was looking down the barrel of single.  A year ago, I wrote about all the things I enjoy about being single.  And even though The Boyfriend and I are still together, it seemed like a great time to review.

So after the break, my seven reasons it's great to be single.

Continue reading "Seven Reasons It's Great to Be Single" »

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