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Are You Too Picky?

I was chatting to a male friend the other day and he stated that the reason so many of us beautiful, successful, intelligent women are single are because we are too picky. "Most of you ladies nowadays have lists and you say you know what you want and then start to measure every guy against your list. What you find alot of the time is that no one person hits everything on your list. Maybe they make like 50% or 70% but it is rare that one person will hit the mark completely. Now I'm not saying settle by any means. There is a certain amount of compatibility that two people must have in order for a long term relationship to work. But, just don't be too hard on us men."

Ok Mr. Hot Stuff, allow me to tell you something. The reason that most of us are single is not that we are picky, it's because we are highly selective. Don't knock our lists because there isn't anything superficial on there. The thing about it is, I feel that I meet every single aspect on the list, and so much more. So why should I settle for...say a guy that can't even type a coherent thought together? Or someone that has to swear 7 times in a 10 word sentence? Or a person that is incapable of taking care of themselves? Or someone who smokes, has violent tendencies or is involved in illegal business ventures?

The Master list has 44 points, things that I have realised that I cannot compromise on, character traits that are very very important to me. Nothing on the list is unattainable, most of the components are things that most decent men should have.

50-70% is actually a low grade for me. I feel that to actually consider someone worth marrying, they should make about 90% on the real list. I have met several men who make a cut on the list...it's not that it's an impossibility. There are no superficial elements like height/weight/race on the list because I feel that those are not as essential as a person's character, intelligence and morality.

Knowing what I want isn't the reason I'm single. Not finding what I want is.

Do you think that most Singles are single because they are picky? Let's hear your thoughts.

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Hey Joe,

*sarcasm noted* Thanks but not thanks. You're too late. I already met and married someone who was 95% on the Master List. So as you can see...it worked for me!

I actually know someone who meets 90% of the above.

My friend is a fantastic dresser, cooker, loves the fine arts, and is incredibly intelligent.

the only one he doesn't match is #42, but he matches the rest, which is over 90%.

Do you want his phone number? I could hook you two up.

Hey Guy Virgin...I can now see you were irritated from the other article.

Anyhoo, I sent you an email!

My Master List
Ok, the list is not in order, these are all very important to me. Some are repetitive, however none are redundant.
1. God-fearing: Deeply spritual, Christian. Preferably Adventist. (this, I don’t agree with personally, but it is a common requirement. Although, believe me, I have seen many good relationships go down hill because of religion)
2. Driven: Ambitious, focused (easy, good requirement)
3. Tons of Character: Kind, humble, virtuous and honorable. Respectful. (easy, good requirement)
4. Social: Friendly, nice, extrovert (easy to find, but what is wrong with a bit of an introvert, as long as they can still socialize. A life of the party person, a real extrovert is a difficult thing to find, especially with the other qualities. This type of person can easily instill mistrust in relationships)
5. Intelligent: Knowledgeable on wide range of subjects, searches to increase knowledge. (good quality)
6. Professional: Succeeding and enjoying chosen career. White collar. Hardworking. (this is ridiculous. Hardworking, sure, but professional is a very open to interpretation term. Success is not necessarily a result of hardworking, and vice versa. White collar??? That is ridiculous. Many trades people are well off, hardworking, and professional, and may not even get their hands dirty….this is ridiculous.)
7. Family Oriented (good quality, not necessarily easy to find….at all, there is a fine line between family oriented and family driven, which is the mama’s boy, or can never do good enough, or any other type of issues that come with it)
8. Humanitarian: Helps others, serves community (that can be contradictory with white collar, successful and hardworking. Life experience should tell you that.)
9. Humorous: Funny and fun-filled. Able to laugh at life. (a sense of humor is a good quality, but be careful of the type of humor a person is into)
10. Respectable: No shady bizness, aka Drugs, guns, booze, women, smoke, gambling etc. (seriously? is this for real? How many people do you associate with that have had these problems that you have actually added it to this list. And no women? What does that even mean? No past or no cheating? I question your character judgment even more after this one)
11. Healthy: D&D free, tested for HIV and STDs (I agree, this is a very questionable area though. People don’t even know sometimes)
12. No kids from another. No baby mama drama. (reasonable, I can definitely relate and agree with that)
13. Stimulating conversationalist (that could be hard to find, even with successful, and intelligent and funny, a good conversationalist is very difficult to find)
14. Income higher than my own (really? Seriously? Are you kidding me? This has got to be a joke, right? I make pretty good money, and that is not a problem for me, but really, if I found out that was a woman’s requirement, for any reason, I would seriously question dating her. As long as a person can take care of their own finances, who the fuck cares? Maybe someone in your income range, although that is a ridiculous requirement in itself.)
15. Supportive and inspiring (quite understandable)
16. Romantic: in thought, deed AND word. (that’s a big stretch….really….I am very passionate and attentive, and I try, but romantic is a very difficult thing to achieve. And very subjective. I may be unromantic to some, but a freakin’ romeo to others. But really, how much do you want on a persons mind? You are getting a little “Highly Selective” now)
17. Loving: Capable of deep emotions. Loves me more than himself. (ok, that is going to be very hard to find in anything but an inbred dog. People are inherently selfish and self driven, that is just life. Deal with it.)
18. Passionate about life, love and God. Respects the spiritual realm (again, not my bag with the god thing, but passionate about life and love, I definitely agree)
19. CHEMISTRY (I agree, that is clearly necessary)
20. Good at networking (how is that even a requirement???….this is just adding to your now “overly selective” list)
21. Adores and is adored and respected by my family (I agree, although, depending on the family that could be tough, it is a rare thing to see….maybe someone who just fakes it good)
22. Enjoys music, the arts, activities and going out (enjoying music and doing things is just a part of being alive. Maybe not art for everyone, but this shouldn’t even be on a list, it is just putting something else in your mind to find something to judge a person on. Like if they like country and you like hip hop. It is just nonsense)
23. Knows/can learn and enjoy playing Spades. (you are just getting ridiculous now)
24. Respects and treats women well. This includes, mom, sisters, me and others (dear god, what type of people do you date? I seriously question your judgment in character)
25. Not given to irrational behavior, harsh words or deed. Not violent (everyone can have a bit of a mean streak, or some harsh words occasionally, to write someone off because of that is just not reasonable. Someone who doesn’t ever have a harsh word to say is usually a pushover, and from the rest of your list, you wouldn’t be dating them in the first place, you are contradictory. Everyone can be irrational, this list actually being typed out is a little irrational)f
26. Very good at communicating his thoughts and feelings and all else (really, how many people on this earth actually are good at that?) ( I must say that all of this stuff will go right out the window when you actually find someone worthwhile, unless you use it as a commitment phobe escape route out of a good relationship)
27. Lover of people but very picky with his inner circle (that is just kind of normal with people, lots of friends, very few close ones, it is not a requirement, it is common)
28. Can save and invest. Financially secure (I agree, but that is not a requirement to being with someone, that can just be not being educated on how to do so)
29. Loves all things cultural (that is a personal thing, so I will give you that. But if you have enough in common with a person to have chemistry and date them, that will likely be there anyways, and unnecessary on this list)
30. Can adapt, appreciate and accomodate the Nigerian community (personal, I have to agree)
31. Has realistic expectations for me and of me and helps me to reach them. (that is kind of just a reasonable, but unnecessary thing on this list)
32. Computer literate (strange, but I can’t imagine a person not being computer literate being a deal breaker, can you? If you can, re-examine you expectations seriously)
33. Organized and neat (that is understandable, I get it, I definitely understand, but is that really a deal breaker, to a point obviously, but is it really???)
34. Knows how to cook more than pasta, fried eggs and plaintain. (some great people just suck at cooking, why limit yourself?)
35. Has his own place, seperate from family and friends living there (ya, understandable, although sometimes circumstances put people back on their asses)
36. Enjoys travelling and meeting new people ( I would have to agree, no one wants to be with a grumpy old homebody)
37. Supports my hobbies, nurtures my talents, respects my decisions (again, who do you date?)
38. Fantastic dresser (FANTASTIC??? Come on, get real, you are quickly becoming way too idealistic. You want a metro that is successful, extroverted family oriented, cultural, spiritual, religious, neat, well-off, financially organized, a networker, down-to-earth, normal, respectful, intelligent, diverse in interests and tastes, a great cook, and a fantastic dresser, which is subjective, by the way) dear god you are wildly ridiculous, and possibly a commitment phobe
39. Notices and appreciative of the tiniest things (how many people do that really? I do, and I like when other people are, but very few people I know or have dated are like that.)
40. Independent (you would hope. However, interdependent-look it up in 7 habits of highly effective people- is a better term for the type of person you are clearly looking for)
41. NOT GAY, undercover, in the closet, on the down low (understandable)
42. NOT GAY, double check, just to be sure (very understandable)
43. Emotional baggage from previous relationships has been dealt with and is under control. (no one ever does, it will always come out sometime, especially as we age. Believe me, I have experienced this, and it sucks to have someone else’s shit get in the way of a relationship, but it will happen)
Now, Mr. Right4Me has to score above 90%. He has to get an A. Anything less than an A will not get you past the third date. I've realized that the stuff on my Master List is the stuff that is important to me. I cannot be happy with anything else (believe me, I've tried).
So now that you have seen my Master List, go and work on yours. Feel free to tinker with the list to fit your priorities. Also, remember to update the list periodically with new things that you have learned from a relationship that just passed. (41-43 are new additions for me!)
A Baaaad Girl Must Have the Must Haves List.

You will never find someone at this rate, I guarantee it. And if you do, they won’t meet 90% of your list. Unless you let a lot of shit slide by because you love them so much you are forgiving of them.

Hey Alexis---that's such good news! I hear that more and more, that when you actually stop looking the right guy plops into your lap. Good luck with this new guy:)

hello! just been reading what you said and omg thats soo true! i've been single for ages because i've always gone for a type and so a couple of days ago my friends said forget about fellas and focus on you and a nice chap will come along outta the blue, so i did and last night i met the nice sweetest guy who usually isn't my type, but just soo lovely! :D

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