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What Would You Do?

Would you sleep with a man who refused a condom? A reader talks about her struggles with her boyfriend...

I have just started dating a guy who has been with a lot of girls in his past. I'm a virgin and he says that he's ok with that. I really want him to wear a condom when we start having sex but he is totally against it. I'm afraid that if I push the subject too much he will leave me for another girl. How can I get him to wear one and not drive him away?

Dear Reader,

I don't mean to be harsh, but this is not the man for you. Any man who refuses to use a condom (especially when he has had a sexual past and especially when his girlfriend is a virgin) doesn't seem like someone who respects you. A good partner is one that is willing to protect the both of you, not risk your sexual health because he doesn't like to use a condom. This is one of those times when you have to stick to your guns - there is absolutely no reason to forgo protection. Has he ever been tested for STDs? Or does he refuse that too? Sex can be an amazing part of our lives (with and without a partner), but if you are making that big decision to have sex (and seeing as you have waited to have sex), condoms are a necessary component of being sexually ready and responsible. If you compromise on protection now, there is no way that you will be able to go back...And you know what, if he leaves you because you care enough to protect yourself, then he wasn't the right man to lose your virginity to anyway!

Has anyone else out there been in a situation like this? How did/would you handle a stubborn boyfriend?

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I feel for this girl- the first time I slept with a guy, I insisted he used condoms and he was fine with that. Along the way in the relationship, he started hinting that we didn't need to, since I started going on the pill. I actually almost gave in many times- after all, he said he was clean (although the last time he was tested was over a year ago and we rarely discussed his history, though I knew he had one). Here's the bottom line- I didn't give in, and we split anyway, and I was very glad that I stood up for myself. No one (guy or girl) is worth risking your sexula health and future.

Sharon and Ryan,

I couldn't agree with you more. I just hope that this reader knows that she is entitled to demand protection...and if he refuses, she shouldn't compromise!

To be even more blunt, this guy sounds like a jerk. And I'm a guy, so I should know. If he won't wear a condom, especially with his past, ditch him. That's all there is to it.

You always have to remember that in situations like this, you have to put yourself first.

Being a virgin, and it being your first time is a big deal to begin with. You need to chose the right guy.

Who will respect your wishes of using protection during sex.

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