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"I Hate Your Boyfriend": Do You Tell A Friend?

The holidays typically stress me out. Though this year I didn't have time to be stressed seeing that I never saw the holidays coming. Time has flown by, and now I think that I best be living each day to the fullest, and encouraging my friends to do the same too.

Part of "Living Your Life to the Fullest" includes getting rid of those people who bring you down. Inevitably, one of those people may be a romantic partner, yours or your friends'. Yes I must admit, I have had the "I Hate Your Boyfriend" conversation with my closest friend. It was a few years ago and though it pained me to do it, I couldn't get past the antics of her boyfriend. Perhaps it was selfish of me, but the man had got to go.

My friend, L., was dating a new guy, and though I had heard about D., I hadn't met him in person until a few weeks into their courtship. One Friday night we went out to dinner with the new couple, and within the first four seconds of meeting him, I knew that D. wasn't for L. (or me too for that matter). In addition to being cheesy (and though I hate that word I can't seem to find a better synonym) beyond belief, he groped L. at the dinner table, fed her from his fork, and tried to make out with her (all of which even made me, the sexologist, uncomfortable). One top of that, he spoke about superficial and ultimately meaningless topics, and acted like a complete jackass. Whether he was or was not attractive didn't even matter to me because I detested him so much.

After dinner, my fiance and I didn't know what to do. We pretended like we were tired and had to go home. We just couldn't spend another minute with him. I avoided L's calls for three days (she had to know that something was up). Finally, I called her back.

"Are you okay?....Oh, you obviously didn't like him," she said.

"I think we need to talk in person." And we did. We met for a cup of coffee at our local cafe and talked about what my concerns were - her being treated like a baby, his flamboyance and obnoxious, public displays of affection that seemed inappropriate for a couple of three weeks (let alone porn stars), and so on. I didn't make my concerns so obviously about him - I made them about her...and the kind of partner I thought that she deserved.

Just so you know, after our talk, they didn't break up, and while I had my concerns I learned to like parts of him. I tried to avoid the other parts. Two years later, they did split (for many of the reasons that I had given L. early on and some new ones that arose), but she needed to figure this out for herself. I will say, I do not regret the "I Hate Your Boyfriend" conversation, because a true friend will put her friendship on the line to insure that someone she loves is protected, respected, and loved unconditionally.

Have you ever uttered these words? How did your friend respond?

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