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« Savoring Life's Sweet Moments | Main | Sleazy Men in American Culture, Part I »

Joining the Harem

Definition: A harem is a group of women that provide sexual favors for One man. Usually the number of females in a harem is 2 or more. This could be knowingly/unknowingly on the females part. A modern day harem includes any woman that is his mistress, the lover on the side, the booty call, the ex, the baby mama, the wifey, the friends with benefit and any other lady who sleeps with this guy.

Now culturally or religiously, if a harem is something that your heritage and tradition accepts, then bear in mind that this is not knocking you.

However, I refuse to be part of a harem. Why? Because I'm utterly selfish. See, I want my man all to myself, I want all his attention, all his affection, all his devotion, all his sexual prowess, all his everything... and I don't share period.

Sometimes, the sucky part is that you might not even know that you are part of a harem. He might be one of those guys that has a girl in every zip code, a dame in every city--one of those guys that being a consummate liar/player is second nature to him. He might be able to pull the wool over your eyes for a hot second, but eventually, you sixth sense is going to start screaming that something is awry.

Alot of readers on my blog chimed in to compose the following list. You might suspect you are in a harem if.....

  • You don't know his house phone (land line) number and only use his cell or beeper to contact him.
  • You only see him after it's dark usually after 10pm, and never in broad daylight.
  • He always comes to you freshly showered. A shower is the best way to erase his last lover's tracks.
  • You can only call him at work or during work hours.
  • A good sign that you are part of his harem is when he leaves your house wearing jeans and a red t-shirt and when he gets home he has a white t-shirt (and he didn't take any clothes with him to change).
  • The other sign (that also happened) was that he had women "friends" calling him constantly (What's the problem? Are you Psycho? They're my FRIENDS...)
  • Still another one sign of Haremhood is when his cell phone never works (as in: You called me 20 times last night? Your calls did not come in...). ~
  • He leaves the room to get a phone call so you can't hear what is said.
  • He has misogynistic tendencies and occassionally refers to women as bitches. These women are his mother and sister. Not a good sign.
  • He will disappear on you and you won't know where he is for a few hours because he won't answer his phone, he's not at work, he's not at home and his friends just play dumb when you ask them.
  • If lots of girls seem to know him and you see them flirting with him, but he fails to give you an explanation of who they are or why he knows them--he's very vague. You just met other harem members!
  • He comes on REALLY strong--wines and dines you right off the bat. Takes you shopping, says I love you really quickly. Pushes you to get physical right away. He is trying to distract you from the fact that he is an ASSHOLE who is CHEATING on you. Don't fall for the smoke and mirrors.
  • His stories just make sense. His "stuff don't add up"--if it doesn't sounds logical, girls, he is LYING.
  • His reputation preceeds him. If you hear about him (good or bad) before you meet him, that is is a bad sign.
  • You find an earring in his bed. It's not yours. He'll try to tell you it is his sister's. He is LYING.  
  • A telltale sign is if you're relegated to a SUNDAY night or some odd night like Tuesday. If you never see this guy on primetime, i.e. Friday or Saturday night, then chances are you're not the only one.... by a longshot.
  •   When he seems determined to buy you a certain fragrance, regardless of your tastes.
    The two men who have done that to me were busy trying to put that fragrance on ALL their girls in the harem.
  • He won't tell you his last name and you always end up at your house- not his.

Ok, you get the drift....I know there a whole bunch of telltale signs out there, come on ladies, share!

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Recent Comments

Don't feel bad. What you are doing is helping your boyfriend spend the BlokeMiles he is earning (sorry, rather a British phrase) in the best way possible, although I'm alarmed you haven't yet paid... Read More >>

Posted by: Matt Ravden | Oct 22, 2007 3:17:05 AM

Hey Joe,

*sarcasm noted* Thanks but not thanks. You're too late. I already met and married someone who was 95% on the Master List. So as you can worked for me!

...

Posted by: Vixen | Oct 11, 2007 6:05:28 PM

I actually know someone who meets 90% of the above.

My friend is a fantastic dresser, cooker, loves the fine arts, and is incredibly intelligent.

the only one he doesn't match is #4... Read More >>

Posted by: Joe | Oct 11, 2007 3:28:42 PM

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