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The Sex Toy Party! Details Here!

It was 75 degrees outside and I’d just played in two recreation football playoff games where I scored a touchdown and caught another 20-yard pass that led to a touchdown, but all I could think about was the sex toy party I was invited to later that day. Would I have fun? Was it worth the energy? What products would I see that I haven’t seen before? I was about to find out.

I drove literally through the woods and across a lake to bring you details from the sex toy party I’d been eagerly anticipating. Good thing I could put my convertible to good use, probably for the last time this year, and enjoy the ride. Mapquest sucks, so when I arrived, the ladies were already onto their second drinks and Stephanie Taylor, the doyenne of Slumber Parties By Steph, had already begun the break-the-ice exercises. She had all the guests list household chores they hated, then pass the lists to the person next to them. Then, she read aloud the answers, but matched to a different question: “I hate sex because…” The answers were then hilarious! “Because its disgusting,” and “because its too small,” drew the biggest laughs.

She gave a key for our reference: anything for anal sex she’d refer to as for the “back door,” anything for vaginal sex she’d refer to as for the “front door,” and anything for clitoral stimulation (my personal favorite), she’d refer to as for the “doorbell.” Now, isn’t that cute? Then Stephanie began the show.

The beginning was harmless enough. When we were passed the naked playing cards, someone asked, “Do these come in Pinochle cards?” We wondered aloud if it took all night to finish a game of Poker for Lovers. The chocolate soy body massage candle smelled delicious, and about the love swing the hostess pointed out that, “This is one hook your husband won’t complain about installing around the house!” We all cracked up, but this stuff was just your basic innocent fare.

Next we got to sample all the jams and jellies that promise to enhance sex in some pretty odd and amazing ways. There was nipple-warming cream (Steph says she’s working on a beer flavor), and an anal analgesic that also works on bee stings! There was a cream called Like a Virgin that can make you tighter and works for up to 24 hours! We tried something called Good Head (I can’t make this stuff up!) that actually suppresses the gag reflex for non-stop oral favors and Just Like Me, which is a 24-hour lubricant that will actually dry inside you, but activate when you’re aroused again. Wow.

Next came the toy store portion of the program. Stephanie calls them “bedroom accessories.” There was the “7th Heaven” for beginners, which was pretty basic but has 7 different types of vibrations. We saw the G-Wiz, designed by a female doctor specifically for finding the G spot. And we saw the Krystal Wabbit, the Butterfly and the Hummer, which are all pretty advanced and high-tech what with bullets, rotating beads, escalation and ticklers!

So, it was a great party and I had fun, but I must say that the highlight of this shindig was at halftime, when Stephanie asked for 2 volunteers before she showed toys, but didn’t say why. Turns out she gave two women two different q-tips dipped in arousal balm, one cool, one warm, and instructed them to “grease their doorbells.” Yowee!

So, here’s a tip: Attend a Slumber Parties by Steph Party! But don’t, DO NOT volunteer for anything at these parties if you’re not prepared to be completely turned on!

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