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Can You Seductively Kill Spontaneity

A man once asked me, "How do you stop the train when it's moving?" I didn't get it. Was he giving me an SAT question hoping that I would be some Rubik's Cube champion with great success in answering impossible questions? Was this a sex question? Ah, yes, it was. This man wanted to know how to stop "the train" of sexual spontaneity in order to whip out the condoms.

I suppose this has never been a big deal for me. Growing up with the backdrop of AIDS we just got used to talking about protection. Stopping to grab a condom has never seemed like a chore, rather it was a necessity. Lots of women I have spoken to feel the same way - their philosophy is fairly simple - no condom, no sex.

Do men worry about spontaneity? I have come to the conclusion that in the 21st century there is no such thing as spontaneous sex. That doesn't make it bad - it just means that people actually have to talk to eachother - and if you can't do that...well, that's a whole other story.

Now, I will say that a smart sexual person keeps condoms where they can be accessed quickly and quietly (without a tremendous production). Putting them in your bathroom or kitchen when you typically have sex in the bedroom just seems silly to me. If you do have sex in many locations, keep your condoms stashed all over your home. That makes sense. But if you are not as varied in your sexual environments, the nightstand should be sufficient.

But I do think that there are ways to make the condom experience exciting: seductively dragging (tickling) the condom in its wrapper up the leg of your partner until it has met its target, whipping your hair all over your partner's body while you put the condom on him, cheeking the condom (if you are really talented), anad shopping for condoms together so that you can pick which texture and lube to use that night...these things are exciting - a condomless encounter, not so much. I would rather be upfront about needing to grab the condoms than wait and hope that he will do it.

But that's just me.

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Those are some really great ideas....

Logan - I tried to send you an email to and it bounced back - wanted to invite you to read at my reading series In The Flesh in April. Can you email me at about it? thanks!

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