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Isn’t The Engagement Supposed To Be Foreplay?

I came across something the other day that made me chuckle. It was two custom made pencils with the names “Randal & Zahara” engraved on them. They’re table favors from the Summer 2004 wedding of my ex-boyfriend’s brother and now sister-in-law. I heard recently through the hair salon gossip mill that their marriage is already in trouble. Hmmmmm.

Logan Levkoff blogged back on the October 11th about women who attend “how to get married” seminars, because they believe (or have been fooled) that a wedding is the end-all-be-all in a relationship and they don’t want to “give their milk away for free.” Well, I’m here to report that this aforementioned couple, one I know personally, a couple not unlike many modern American couples, have a relationship that may be falling apart because from what I’ve observed, their fairy-tale wedding and soon-to-be defunct marriage was nothing but a desperate grab for attention and glamour in the first place.

Let me explain.

He is The Golden Boy. He’s got five college degrees, including a Rhode’s Scholarship and an MIT MBA. He owns his own technology consulting company and won one of the season’s of NBCs The Apprentice. He’s intelligent, tall, well-spoken, attractive and powerful. He’s the perfect mark for someone looking for the perfect meal ticket.

She is a throwback to the perfect 1950’s housewife: educated, yet devoid of ambition, feminine, passive and just calculating enough to land the perfect husband without letting on that she’d probably end up being nothing but the slowly closing noose around her unsuspecting partner’s neck. Poor guy.

So their wedding weekend was surely highly entertaining! Amid the nail stylists and the doves and the candle lighting crap and the pretentious broom-jumping episode, I mused between yawns that although she had an engineering degree, I knew she had no interest in actually applying it. I knew they’d spent upwards of $70K on this over-the-top shindig. I also noted that she seemed to get an electric, even sexual charge from all this nonsense.

Shortly after he won the silly television game show, which by the way, she bragged about incessantly, I began hearing the rumors. But my most reliable source confirmed it all: they were in serious trouble. And, he was flirting with one of the female Apprentice cast members! Why? My guess is that the TV chick had more to talk to him about than his sweet, feminine new wife. She could probably go toe-to-toe with him intellectually too. She could keep his attention. Poor wifey.

Isn’t it possible that she most likely viewed this courtship/engagement through the same lens I view vibrators, massage oils and erotic fiction? She chirped “I’m getting married!” in much the same context as I shriek “I’m getting laid!”

Isn’t the engagement supposed to be the foreplay of the relationship, with marriage as the main course? Why worry about playing coquettish games and withholding sex and playing down your ambition when, once married, they’ll be nothing holding him there?


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Not at all, Jennifer. I actually believe you've gotten it backward: I definitely believe its possible for a man to truly love a woman, that's why I get so frustrated with people who marry for the wrong reasons and think that because their partner is either a "good girl" or a "good boy" or that they fit the right image, that this will solidify their relationship forever. Of course I'm not implying that marriage depends on sex. I'm saying that in THESE "don't buy the cow" marriages, the priorities are all screwed up!

your article seems about right as far as the relationship now being in shambles because they got married for the wrong reasons. However, I do believe that your last question of the article is almost...irrelevant. Why is everything you have to say about marriage dependant on sex. Are you saying that it isn't possible for a man to truly love a woman?

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