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« Blog for Choice Day | Main | A Woman's Mantra »

The Politics of Sleeping Over

I've heard that people used to rush into marriage so that they could have sex. Well, if we rush in today, I think it's because we're sick of figuring out who's sleeping where, which nights.

Ah, sleeping over.  The bag-packing.  The forgetting-stuff.  The Not Being At Home.

Next thing you know you're buying a couple things to leave at your partner's place. Shampoo, deodorant. Hoping that doesn't freak the person out.

Then it's which nights where?  And how many nights?

At some point in my last relationship, I realized I was sleeping over my boyfriend's place too much. I just slipped into it because we so often did things on his end of town. And because I wasn't resistant to sleeping over on a weeknight, like he was. And because once it hit about 10pm, I would lose all motivation to head out to my car and drive home.

But when you're not home, you lose those in-between times. The few things you pick up and put away right before bed. That extra bit of time on the Internet. That extra bit of sleep.

Maybe like me, you begin to realize that you're the one constantly packing a bag, you're the one who's schedule is regularly disrupted, and you're the one who's sleeping over too much. The immediate solution was to cut out weeknight sleepovers when we were out doing something else anyway. For me, that meant no coming in, either.

I get in that door once the sun goes down, I'm doing the crash without even my toothbrush routine.

Early on, my boyfriend kinda bucked about too many sleepovers in a week. But when he was missing me after four nights alone. I reminded him I had a fabulous bed he was welcome in anytime. After all, we needed to be taking turns at the bag packing. And we were in no danger of his sleeping at my place too much.

I definitely missed sleeping with him.  But I also enjoyed my bed, and waking up at my place.

After all, it's not like we were living together.


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Recent Comments

I agree with you, in part. I am emotionally unavailable, but not by choice. The men certainly come flocking in - the red flag, emotionally unavailable, avoid-at-all costs type, that is.

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Posted by: EU not by choice | Jun 26, 2008 10:32:19 AM

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