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From Lovers to Friends

I’ve done it so many times.

And certainly, I’m hoping a relationship sticks one of these days, but I’m also glad to have the kinda friends that ex-boyfriends can make – really, really good ones.  Full of intimacy meshed with a male point of view and great hugs.  It truly can’t be beat if you’re looking for a cohort.

Logan wrote about the male/female friendship thing recently, but the ex-factor adds another wrinkle, doesn’t it?  Surely we’ve all known those couples that go back and forth – Are they in or are they out?  Or the ex’s that are glued together – Are they in or are they out?  When doing “the friend thing” with an ex, it’s wise to be conscious of this stuff.  Opportunities to do things separately are good.  Encouraging new relationships and being friendly with your ex's potentials, also good.

There’s a line for me on the treading carefully, though.  If we’re going to same place and it makes sense to carpool, I call that Something I Would Do With Any Friend.  If I’m feeling bad and a hug would make me feel better, then we’ve got, Something I Would Do With a Close Friend.  And trust me, someone you’ve been in a relationship with often transitions straight to close friend.

When you're dating, you've got someone to lean on - and isn't that just what we need when we're single again?  Good friends are often exactly what keep us from jumping into a wrong relationship.  Good friends can take the place of a rebound.

And I'm totally done with doing the rebound thing, thank you.

So, it’s good to be conscious of boundaries, and being clear with each other and everyone around you as to the status of the situation.  (Yes, we're broken up, Yes, we're broken up, Yes, we're broken up.)  But if simply being together makes someone whisper, “So, are they back together or what?”  Or if someone wants to speculate whether we're still fooling around - which clearly means they don't know me very well...  Then let them wonder, because at that point, I really don’t care what they think.

My friendships are more important than that.


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