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Have Sex & Save Money!

I’m an armchair psychologist.

Seriously, it was close to being my major in college and to this day I still enjoy the mechanics of how the human mind works. In fact, the more I study and read and people-watch, the more I’m convinced that there are actually very few human motivations and that these motivations – fear being the most common, directly affect your sex life.

Take cheap people for example. I’ve been certain for many years that people who huddle around a nickel like its the second coming are only sublimating for something else they’re not getting. To illustrate, one of my ex-boyfriends, Dan, was so cheap (cue: “How Cheap Was He?”) that he’d saved every receipt for everything he’d ever bought in case it would need to be taken back to the store. The man makes six figures, but when I asked him how he could take a vacuum cleaner that Hoover doesn’t even make anymore back to the store for a refund, it was crystal clear that this had nothing to do with saving money. This was sexual frustration masked as frugality. Was it any surprise that this “man” couldn’t keep it up for more than 30 seconds?

Same goes for people who separate the two-ply toilet paper, horde spare change, drive ten miles out of the way rather than pay tolls and/or mooch off their friends. I would never crack on anyone who actually needs to pinch pennies or clip coupons because they’re struggling; I’m talking about those who have cash who’d rather die than to let a few dollars go for the sake of pleasure or comfort.

But there is a remedy. Women’s Health just published an article called “The Cost…Of Not Having Enough Sex.” This article calculates down to the penny, how much you can save this year by getting laid instead of buying some of the more commonly used household staples like Advil, Movies OnDemand, even your regularly scheduled therapy appointment.

Let me know what you’re hording. Perhaps I can be of help. You’re welcome on my couch anytime. Well until my next boy toy arrives anyway.

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