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65 million Americans are currently living with an STD.* And Women are twice as likely as men to contract an STD.* Find out how you can make a difference. Join the Cause. Visit

*Source: American Social Health Association

Girl on Top Sex

According to sex researcher Beverly Whipple, coauthor of The Science of Orgasm, girl on top positions are the all time best positions for women reaching orgasms. The reasoning is that with you on top, you get to direct the pace and depth of penetration. In addition to that, his member is directly rubbing against not only your clitoris but your g-spot as well. Your hands get to be rubbing all over his body driving him wild, and at least one of your greatest assets (your boobs and your butt) are in his line of sight.

It's a total bossy move, you are in control and it's guaranteed to drive him wild (especially when you flip it to reverse cowgirl to have him stare at your sexy butt instead).

The only few drawbacks from girl on top positions are that:

  1. You are the one working it: For a few minutes, you might be able to handle this position--but if you are out of shape, it's going to be obvious that you are once you hit the 5 minute stretch. Your thighs start burning and you start breathing harder...and it gets uncomfortable and you lose your groove. The best way to handle this is to lean forward and put some of your body weight on your arms (just like the guys do). Be sure to work those thighs and legs out when you hit the gym to build your muscular endurance. In addition, have him thrust from below to decrease the amount of energy you are exerting. Try bumping and grinding against him instead of thrusting, it's just as effective and doesn't burn your thighs as much. Lean forward or backward to rest your quads while thrusting---a little angling goes a long way.
  2. You might get self conscious: Okay, I know not all of us can totally lose our inhibitions in the boudoir and this is where riding dirty might get dicey. Instead of concentrating on what he thinks of your chubby thighs, rounded belly, orgasm face and flopping breasts focus instead on reaching your multiple orgasms and driving him wild. He's just happy to be seeing you NAKED and he loves the fact that you are riding him---in fact, he's not noticing any of those things at all. So stop denying your own pleasure by focusing on them.

To spice up this awesome move, feel free to whip out your vibrator and slip it into the mix. The reverberations add to the sensations on both of you and takes it to a whole new level. Play with yourself, or encourage him to play with you. Don't forget to keep thrusting/bumping even when your orgasm hits, remember, you are the one in control here. It would totally suck if you were orgasming and then stopped before you hit the plateau.

So---what's stopping you? Climb on top of him tonight.

Did I leave out any other tips on the girl on top position? What do you do to spice it up?

Insecure Relationships Affect Your Health

with a sample size of 61 healthy women showed a link between attachment ability and your immune system. The researchers found that "those who had difficulty establishing close, trusting relationships showed signs of weaker immune function. Specifically, lab experiments showed that the women's "natural killer" immune system cells were less lethal compared with those from other study participants."

It doesn't mean that being in an insecure relationship will kill you---but it does negatively affect your health. See insecurity leads to you being stressed. And chronic stress affects your immunity because it compromises your body's ability to fight infection. Your body's natural killer cells don't pep up when they are attacked because they are depressed.

The researchers also found a direct link between certain health problems and women who had attachment issues. These include plaque psoriasis, a condition where scaly patches form on the skin, and alopecia areata, an autoimmune disorder that causes hair loss. Ugh!

So in a nutshell, in order to further improve your health, stay out of relationships that have you feeling insecure. The right relationship for you should yield more endorphins and good energy than stress, negative emotions and sadness. Keep your head up.

Do you see any correlation between the two? Have you noticed a decline in your health in the past when you were in a stressed out relationship like migraines, colds and the like? Do share.

You can read the article in it's entirety HERE.

Ask about STDs.

I was thinking about my recent break-up - because he treated me right.  And I was thinking that while half of it is: Good Guy; there's another half that's: Hey, Communicated and Stood Up For My Needs.  And that made me think about STDs.

Yes, it's a winding path, my stream of consciousness.

Continue reading "Ask about STDs." »

Sex Toy of the Month February: Super Stretch!

How many of us have nearly sprained our wrists trying to give a quality hand job to a guy who takes forever? Or better yet, how many of us have guys who we don’t live with or see every day that we’d like to give the gift of a quality hand job when we can’t necessarily be there? That would be great, right?

Well this month’s toy solves that dilemma. Its more your wrist saver than a sex toy. Its called Super Stretch.

Its a cute silicone cylindrical sleeve that’s like a mitten over his erection and promises to feel just like the real thing. Its stretchy and tacky, has slight ribbing on the inside and is perfect for those couples who like to play with toys but hate the buzzing of the robotic, mechanical stuff. There are no batteries required for the Super Stretch.

And as the demonstrator explained, the effect is so immediate with Super Stretch, that the usual 10 minute mutual masturbation sessions that strengthened your wrists to those of pro tennis players would now be cut down to half the time! Know what this is? Its the sex aid for busy working women!

Lube is a definite requirement with the Super Stretch and its neatest feature? When you pinch the top of the Super Stretch as he orgasms, there will be no mess to clean up!

And no…the Super Stretch was not manufactured by the company that makes the Swiffer products.

Give Up Masturbation? Are You Serious?

I’ve been covering my Elexa Sexy Smart beat faithfully and looking up sex toys and making my friends and acquaintances spill their dirt and nastiness for you guys and I am overlooking one of the greatest sex stimulators I’ve come across in my life and its one that will (barring any run-ins with the mafia) be with me until the very day that I die: my right hand!

Oh my goodness!

I mean, I’ve certainly mentioned masturbation in this blog, but its usually part of introducing a vibrator, describing an erotic fantasy or some manifesto on movies, music or tingling lube.

But what about rubbing yourself silly just for its own sake? No frills. No fantasies. Just for the sheer “get off” factor alone. I’ve lost whole afternoons masturbating. I’ll only allow my fingernails to get so long. Being in love (or lust) helps, but sometimes its purely a physical thing. Its like getting high.

I’m a chronic insomniac. Sometimes, I’ll be tired as hell, but I will not be able to get to sleep for the life of me. I’ll be tired, physically tired, but my mind will still be going like gangbusters. For whatever reason, one that I choose not to analyze, this is a sexual trigger for me. It doesn’t make me feel sexy, you see, but I must whack off in situations like that or I cannot shut down for the night. Sometimes I even need to come over and over and over before I’m spent. I know, weird, right?

So, I’ve been thinking: what would take masturbation’s place as my sleep method if I had to give it up? Girly herbal tea and Enya? Would I be hooked on sleeping pills? No way. I like my method. Because sincerely, who in the world, Dumb Josh Hartnett movies aside, would try to give up masturbation?

I’ve tried to see how many days I could go without it, you know, just as an experiment to see if my orgasms would be more intense after waiting a while (results proved inconclusive), or if it would make sex better with a new guy I was seeing (who cares?).

Tell me. What would you give up masturbation for?

Blog for Choice Day

Today is Blog for Choice Day and I am writing because CHOICE represents more than reproductive freedom. CHOICE represents comprehensive sexuality education, civil rights, and whether or not I can get a Brazilian bikini wax. It is all part and parcel of being in control of your body and getting access to accurate, healthy information.

Continue reading "Blog for Choice Day" »

Now Introducing…The Vagina!

Remember 5th grade? Well, that was the year that we girls were separated from the boys in our school and corralled together and told that we, for the rest of our lives, would be different and special and weaker and that there were things we’d need to learn to cope with all this.

We were handed little workbooks on our anatomy that showed pictures and diagrams of our little feminine parts and introduced us to sex ed. in the most basic and elemental way our elementary school would allow at the time.

This really tickled me.

It tickled me so much so that I even shared it with my best friend and the person who sat right next to me in class. I wanted to show him the ridiculous “lesson” we girls had just endured while he was out playing football like I wanted to be doing. His name was Bobby Smith and he and his sister Wendy went all the way through grade school with me. Whenever I think about him, even to this day, I think about the startled and horrified look on his face when I handed him my vagina book, a look that, I’m sure, expressed his shock at seeing something that even grown men are grossed out by AND his acknowledgement that, although we were best friends and did everything together, I was a girl and he was a boy. And that difference permanently changed our relationship.

I kept my girly workbook, however, and studied it and tried to incorporate what I could into my tomboyish repertoire. Now I want to share with you, my loyal blog readers, the updated version of this girly workbook. Its from the latest issue Women’s Health magazine and is called The Ultimate Guide to Your…Vagina (Gasp). It’s the grown-up’s version, and Nicole Beland does a fabulous job at giving a comprehensive look into (and around) our vaginas. And in case you were wondering, it comes complete with pretty pictures HERE.

Show it to your best male friend. I need to find Bob’s address so I can send it to him too.

New Year's Sex Resolution

Okay, I'll be the cliche blogger that actually posts about resolutions. Every woman when thinking of your New Year's resolutions should incorporate her desires in the realm of romance and sex into her New Year's resolutions.  You don't want to just grow in some areas of your want to grow in all of them, right? And the boudoir should be one.

The New Year is an opportunity to close a previous chapter and spark a fresh angle to the next chapter of life, and it is important to be open and explore the new romantic possibilities and actually discuss them with your lover.  I'm sure he would love to add new passionate ways to have sex to your repertoire, as well as new places and props, but this would be a great time to also bring up a discussion about consistent safe sex. Once a lady gets into a relationship, she gets on birth control and thinks that it's okay to no longer practice safe sex. But the prevalence and spread of STDs via women is still at a rapidly growing rate, and only we can be champions of our own sexual health.

This discussion as a part of a New Year's Resolution can revitalize and further intensify our sex life and also reinforce our trust and communication.  Remember, it is not only okay but essential to communicate about these things and the New Year presents us with a golden opportunity.  Take advantage of it!      

Condoms on Campus - Nonexistent?

I haven't blogged in a while...vacation seems to fry my brain. What is supposed to recharge my batteries actually makes me a bit groggy. But have no fear, I'm back, ready to tackle all that our society has to throw at us (or all that we create for that matter). Today's issue - a recent blog in the Huffington Post.

Continue reading "Condoms on Campus - Nonexistent?" »

Sex Toy of the Month: The Sugar Spoon!

Okay everyone. Attention please. I need you to try and hold your oohs and ahhs until the very end of this post. This is serious business. I’m going to now introduce the most complex and ridiculous of all the vibrators I’ve seen to date: The Sugar Spoon.

This contraption is not for the faint of heart or for beginners. This is the toy tailor-made for no-nonsense businesswomen. For cynics. For efficiency freaks. For multi-taskers. Its the smartphone of vibrators. What I mean is, if you don’t go anywhere without your TREO because you need to be able to send e-mail, take calls and photos, play MP3s plus open Word documents, then your vibrator may as well do just as much for you.

Picture this: the Sugar Spoon has duel rotation capability, meaning that the outer labia stimulator is set to a different track than the spoon, which gets inserted, therefore, you could set the outer affect to a fast pace while the inner affect goes very slowly. I’m talking about more than 300 different speed and rotation combinations! Its got a spiral shaft with a tip that is actually shaped like a spoon, so when its turned on, it moves not just in a swirl, but it scoops too. Party at your G-spot! There is also the obligatory clitoris stimulator, which to my relief, isn’t shaped anything like a dolphin or elephant or rabbit. And of course its waterproof, making bath time lots of fun.

No word yet on whether it can also do your taxes.

Can You Seductively Kill Spontaneity

A man once asked me, "How do you stop the train when it's moving?" I didn't get it. Was he giving me an SAT question hoping that I would be some Rubik's Cube champion with great success in answering impossible questions? Was this a sex question? Ah, yes, it was. This man wanted to know how to stop "the train" of sexual spontaneity in order to whip out the condoms.

Continue reading "Can You Seductively Kill Spontaneity" »

Bad Bad Bush

Sometimes I am all talked out. But not today. Today, I have decided to talk about the latest piece of political news that threatens all that I believe in. While I am psyched (yes psyched) about the latest election results, we still have our work cut out for us.

Continue reading "Bad Bad Bush" »

Sex Toy of the Month! Rubba Duckie, You’re The One!

Ever tried it in the bathtub? Water can be the greatest aphrodisiac. I remember how ecstatic I was when I discovered all the sexy things I could do with a detachable shower head. I suddenly needed three showers a day!

I try all sorts of new body wash gels, loofah sponges, and bath beads. I love the idea of waterproof vibrators and have fun with all the different textures, temperatures, pressure settings, the works. I think the mere sensation of the water can be enough to turn me on some days. I’m curious about those “rub-a-dub” dice cubes that float and have sexy instructions on each side. I know how much guys hate baths and consider them a waste of time and water, but even the most shower-friendly man won’t be able to resist those! One of the funnier Sex & The City episodes had me consider buying an automatic toothbrush –set aside especially for sex of course, and using the very gentle brush attachment: I can’t mess around with the firm brush! What would I tell my gynecologist? A couple weeks ago I wrote about using kids toys as sex toys just so long as your kids don’t catch you in the act. Well, the sex toy of the month fits that bill as well as being suitable in and out of the water. Its called the Rubba Duckie!

Remember that song Ernie sang on Sesame Street about the rubber friend he was awfully fond of? Well, I guarantee you’ll be awfully fond of this toy too because it does much more than keep you company. Sure, that’s what your kids may think, but this baby vibrates, and at a really powerful rate, and of course floats and is completely waterproof. It even comes in a smaller, travel size!

So try it in the bathtub. Bring new meaning to lather, rinse, repeat.

The Happy Homemaker's Guide to Making Dental Dams

I used my first dental dam when I was about seven. I was in the dentist's chair getting my back molars sealed. But today, dental dams have a whole new meaning - and I am not sure if my pediatric dentist would be happy that I was talking about my "first" time.

Continue reading "The Happy Homemaker's Guide to Making Dental Dams" »

Drugs & Sex

There’s ginseng, a natural stimulant that boosts energy and (allegedly) makes you feel sexy. There’s Ecstasy, a not-so-natural stimulant that promotes affection, if not necessarily sexual activity – I had a guy once describe Ex as making your entire body feel like a giant, swollen clit. Imagine that! Then there are the big guns, Viagra and Cialis, prescription sex enhancements that give rich, old men hope and threaten us with a four-hour erection.

But what about using a drug, whether natural or synthetic, legal or illegal, to enhance sex drive or pleasure?

Some may say that a drug induced sex enhancement, whether from natural, herbal sources or not, is a cheat, and it will eventually take away from your drive, not to mention from your health and the rest of your life. And some may say its no different than using a sex toy, just one more element your can add to your sexual mix, or not.

There’s a connection (at least with me) between being in great physical shape and your body getting off from its natural feel-good drugs, namely the endorphins, and it boosting your sex drive, not to mention your body image and confidence. Is this any different than using an over-the-counter or even a street drug to achieve the same effect, if that’s your thing?

I’m not here to judge. I had an ex-coke head tell me that when he was high on the nose candy, he’d want to bang everything that walked, but he couldn’t necessarily finish the race (if you understand what I mean). This is an obvious drawback. However, he also said that he’d have the confidence to try things or to talk to prettier women while on the powder than he would otherwise. There were pros and cons.

My latest curiosity is about a drug called Enzyte. There’s a recent marketing push for it, but its been around for about five years. It’s a natural male enhancement whose draw is that its a once-a-day pill and that it promises huge erections and stamina, but its all natural (read: no four-hour side effects). Is this our future? Are there that many men out there who can’t get it up or keep it up that improving upon modern, pharmacological science is such a big business? I’m not naïve enough to believe that a large portion of the population isn’t taking these prescriptions recreationally, but all this?

There’s a pretty professional website called Penis Resources (I can’t make this stuff up!) that helps explore all this and sells all matter of topical creams, extenders, patches, pills (the herbal types) and explains in detail just how common frigidity and erectile dysfunction are and that its not a crime.

You make the call.


Merriam-Webster defines a fetish as “an object believed to have magical powers, an object of unreasoning devotion or concern or an object whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification.” Dr. Drew Pinsky used to elaborate on LoveLine that fetishes were perfectly healthy and normal, and usually developed before the age of five, so most people with fetishes don’t have any solid memory of how it began.

I’ve known very few stone cold fetishists in my life, but the few I did come across certainly made an impression. John had a hard-core foot fetish. During spring and summer he’d obviously stare at our toe-painted, sandal-clad feet and volunteer to pedicure and pamper said feet. I immediately put him to work. Dave, a guy I worked with, had a thing for women in white stockings. I had this outfit back then – a white, heavy cable sweater number – that I wore with white tights and boots. I told him to get a job in a hospital where he’d have his pick of any of the white-legged and white-shoed nurses he wanted, but in the meantime, to leave me alone. And I guess its common knowledge that cross dressers aren’t necessarily confused about their sexuality, they just became fixated at a young age with women’s clothing and need to work it out through playing dress-up in mama’s pearls as grown men.

I won’t encourage anybody to get involved with a man who wants to wear your panties, but nurturing a harmless fetish can be fun. We just need to be clear about the difference between a fetish and something that compromises self-esteem. In other words, toenail painting is a harmless fetish that will please him and save you some time at the salon, but his need to have sex on a crowded subway train to check one more bullet point off his juvenile “must do before I die” list is not. His thing for stiletto pumps? Check. But tell him “nice try” to the idea of a threesome with your best friend while he films it.

Oh, and speaking of foot fetishes, check out this cool Foot Fantasy kit I found online. Then, when you run across the next foot-fixated guy, like a Girl Scout, you’ll be prepared.

Joining the Harem

Definition: A harem is a group of women that provide sexual favors for One man. Usually the number of females in a harem is 2 or more. This could be knowingly/unknowingly on the females part. A modern day harem includes any woman that is his mistress, the lover on the side, the booty call, the ex, the baby mama, the wifey, the friends with benefit and any other lady who sleeps with this guy.

Now culturally or religiously, if a harem is something that your heritage and tradition accepts, then bear in mind that this is not knocking you.

However, I refuse to be part of a harem. Why? Because I'm utterly selfish. See, I want my man all to myself, I want all his attention, all his affection, all his devotion, all his sexual prowess, all his everything... and I don't share period.

Sometimes, the sucky part is that you might not even know that you are part of a harem. He might be one of those guys that has a girl in every zip code, a dame in every city--one of those guys that being a consummate liar/player is second nature to him. He might be able to pull the wool over your eyes for a hot second, but eventually, you sixth sense is going to start screaming that something is awry.

Continue reading "Joining the Harem" »

Sex Toy of the Month! The Vibrating Inchworm!

If you google “The History of the Vibrator,” an interesting story from will pop up retelling the story from summer 2005 in South Carolina, where a suspicious package needed to be investigated, but turned out to be a vibrator. It was hilarious, especially since mail order is the only method of supplying sexy toys to many southern states, including our brilliant new Elexa vibrating rings. Then, the piece goes on to give a pictorial history of the vibrator, starting in the late 1880’s with “vulvular massage” techniques used to soothe the nerves of more “difficult” female psychiatry patients and alleviate the amount of time it took to bring a woman to climax by hand.

The tour makes stops in the early 20th century, through the 50s, where vibrators were sold in the Sears Roebuck catalog and looked curiously like vacuum cleaners. Hmmmm. But now, we’re having fun with our sex goodies and they no longer require clinical, mechanical names or need to look like medieval torture contraptions. Now, they’re sleek, pliable and waterproof and come with names like Rabbit, Rubba Ducky, Dolphin and my new cheeky favorite: the Inchworm.

I don’t own one of these (yet), but the concept is as cute as a button: its a six-inch or so green silicone toy, that is so soft, stretchy and expansive, it can and will lengthen and smooth out once it gets where its going, all the while gently pulsating and teasing until its victim can no longer stand it. Wow. But the thing I like the most about it is how harmless and non-sinister it looks and feels. It really does seem like a child’s bath toy.

No comment on how moms with young children would respond if their kids get a hold of it.

Good vibrations!

Menstruation - There is a Reason Why We Get a Period

Having a period is an essential component of being female (at least until menopause). But now there's a lot of hype about a new pill on the market that allows you to continously cycle your birth control so that you wind up period-free. (Now that may make detecting pregnancy a little bit more difficult, huh?)

Continue reading "Menstruation - There is a Reason Why We Get a Period" » Pay-Per-Minute Porn!

Along my more recent quests for sexy dirt and dirty sex, affordable shoes and the newest skinny jeans notwithstanding, I stumbled across something very interesting. Have you ever heard of online, adult, pay-per-minute movies? This sounds like quite the alternative to those seedy, windowless “adult” bookstores and that out-of-the-way porn section of the video store. This should be all the rage, right?

When I first saw the teaser cards for while at the register of one of my local sex shops, I became curious. I thought it was a great thing. One of my early jobs as a teenager was at a local video store. The other girls and I used to relish late Saturday nights, because if we were stuck working instead of partying with our friends, well at least we could be entertained watching young men trickle in, as the store emptied and giggle at those sheepish looks on their faces as they tried to act like they weren’t headed into that tiny back room. And the capper was when someone came in you actually knew and whose sister or girlfriend or mom you actually knew! That was the best! Imagine never again needing to hang your head at the thought of renting porn or take that gulp and quick, sly peek around the store to see if anyone was watching. Porn has changed as the times have changed and its now more inexpensive, accessible and easily kept secret than ever before. is a site boasting more than 8,000 adult films by The Top Adult Studios, whatever that means. There are prepaid cards and the option to download for later viewing (read: sharing). It allows a viewer to watch a movie as many times as they want in two days (maximizing the jerk off potential). There are no membership obligations or billing schedules, meaning no paperwork gets mailed to your house.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps this isn’t such a good thing. Should porn freaks get off, no pun intended, so easily? Porn, the web type and otherwise, is cited as a factor in many separations and divorces these days, including the newly separated country singer Sara Evans, and there’s no doubt that this is a multi-billion-dollar business: a $57 billion-dollar business, in fact, according to (yes,, I could NOT make that up!). A quarter of all internet searches are porn-related and ten percent of adults ADMIT to being addicted to porn. How many just don’t admit it? Maybe being a little embarrassed is a good thing. Maybe porn enthusiasts need that conscience check, that little voice in their ear asking, “Should I really be doing this?”

Besides, if porn becomes too much of a routine thing, won’t you forget how to interact sexually with another human being?

Male Hormonal Contraceptives

There was an article in the LA Times last week on the advances made by the pharmaceutical industry in creating and researching alternative birth control measures for men besides the condom & vasectomies. Several labortories are in the testing phases of different types of birth control (most applied via injections, implants, gels) that will effectively reduce a guy's sperm count while still maintaining the ability to orgasm. In addition, once he stops using it, his sperm count will bounce right back to normal.

The studies are still in the experimental stages yet are going on so well that thousands of men have volunteered to be guinea pigs of the various forms of contraception. So far, they've been able to cut down the production of sperm, however there have been side effects that are similar to steroid therapy side effects. Mainly because they are physiologically changing the chemical balance of testosterone and progestin levels in the body.

There is no proof that this will be available in the next 10 years, but the researchers have been making significant leaps towards success.

My questions are:

Would you let your guy get on hormonal birth control?
Would you stop using yours if he did?
Would you trust him to implicitly prevent you from getting pregnant the same way you have been protecting him from it all this time?

Read the article in it's entirety HERE.

A Whole Week of Anti-Porn Rhetoric?

Have I been living under a rock? Or am I so totally immersed in my oddly liberal NYC life that I didn't know that this week (according to a statement that G.W.Bush made in 2003) is "Protection from Pornography" week. WTF?

Continue reading "A Whole Week of Anti-Porn Rhetoric?" »

The Sex Toy Party: The Date Is Set!

On September 20th I blogged about getting a tip about a woman in my area who throws sex toy parties for women who want an alternative to waxy, yawn-inducing candle parties. I’m still not a firm believer, but it sounds like fun and the investigative reporter in me must go. So, I signed up.

Her name is Stephanie Taylor, a single mom from Bensalem, PA and she’s a contractor for a company called “Its sort of like what you’d find at a Home Interiors or The Pampered Chef parties, but a lot more fun. Our products include everything from lingerie, lotions, creams, toys, books…the works. We pass everything around. We have a really good time – you’ll be cracking up the whole time,” Taylor says.

She’s been doing these parties for more than two years. She got started harmlessly enough: she was invited to a party and had a great time. Then, she hosted her own party and the ball started rolling. She was in college getting a Public Relations degree and decided to supplement her income. A contact gave her the information to set herself up as a contractor and she’s been throwing parties ever since. In fact, the money is so great doing this, says Taylor, that in no time, she was making more part-time, than in her full-time career. “This business has doubled in the length of time that I’ve been with it,” Taylor says. “I have a team of girls that work under me. And there are more than 10,000 employees in my company alone.”

But during a Slumber Parties by Steph party, the hostess, you, gets assigned one special party sales rep that makes sure you and your guests sample and sniff loads of fun stuff! The hostess receives many, many free goodies, gift certificates, a veritable sex den shopping spree. There’s even confidential ordering for those women, shy types (read: not me), who need to replace their vibrating clitoris stimulators in private.

The date of my party is November 7th in Philadelphia.

So, what would you like me to test out? Vixen wants some market analysis on The Dolphin vs. The Rabbit. Send me your requests. I’ll see what I can do.

Stay tuned.

The Vibrating Ring

I tried the Vibrating Ring last night. WOW. It was freakin' amazing! Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have the Rabbit attached to your lover? Well, Elexa has solved the problem for you. You have got to try this! It's like having sex and masturbating at the same time. This is one sex toy that you can easily introduce into your routine with ease and it won't totally turn him off. It comes in a condom scary can that be?

The ring is placed on the base of the guys penis before sex and then he gets in you. It's pre-packed with a you can be safe at the same time. There's a tiny knob on the side that you push in to get it to start vibrating and comes pre-installed with a battery. It vibrates for up to 20 minutes (for some reason mine worked for waaaaay longer), massaging your clitoris while he's in you.

The buzz is not too abrasive or too stimulating---it's soft almost like hummingbird wings. He's moving at the same time so that reduces the constant friction. It  has the possibility of giving you at least 2 orgasms in a row (or more!).

My only complaint would be that the knob is tiny and there's really no way to shut it off once you start having sex without breaking the rhythm of things. In addition, you might not want to use it on a guy that has premature might cause him to be even more premature than he is.

If you haven't tried it, definitely give it a go! It was so cool that I can't wait to break out my second box...and will be stocking up on more after that.

Have you tried the Vibrating Ring yet? If so, what did you think?

Sex in Islam

The Wall Street Journal last week had an inspiring story of Dr. Heba Kotb, a Muslim medical doctor and sex therapist based in Cairo. She's one of the first in the Islamic religion to talk about sex in public. Her teachings have been inspirational to both married and single women, who have never been taught anything about sex because it's a taboo subject culturally. Most of the information they do have is gleaned from the internet and their peers, so Islamic women have had to deal with intimacy based on what little information they have obtained from society.

This radical approach has enlightened many women, mostly middle-class married women with families who have sexual problems at home. In addition to a TV  and radio talk show, seminars and lectures route, couples come to her for counseling and she encourages them to open the lines of sexual communication as well as advice on satisfying your partner and increasing intimacy. Dr. Kotb has been able to circumvent the more stringent beliefs of Muslims regarding sexuality by incorporating alot of what she's teaching with knowledge directly gotten from the Qu'aran as well as their culture. Mixing religion with science has allowed for more open-mindedness in learning from her.

However, there are those who feel that educating women this way is the first step that leads down the road to "Western promiscuity". It's forbidden to have sex before marriage according to the Islamic belief, and her critics say that talking about sex has the probability of exciting young minds into breaking that founding precept.

Abdel Moety Bayoumi, a member of the Islamic Research Academy, said sex education could be accepted if done "from a religious perspective" to teach people what's right and what's wrong. There was no need for going beyond that, he added. "Look at how many generations have gone through their whole lives without sex education. Did this affect human life?"

I was raised in a staunch religious background which made sex a taboo as well. However, I realised that the older I got, the more I wanted to learn about it. I couldn't talk to my parents about it, and my friends were just as clueless as I was. Not having the resources and opportunity at my disposal made me end up learning things the hard, dumb way---through experience! Some were good, but the bad ones could have been avoided if I was better informed in my youth.

What do you think? Does sex education really make you want to have sex?

Buy A Box, Give A Box! Let’s Get Everyone Involved!

I got a new client a couple of weeks ago. I’m the city coordinator for a national pilot campaign to increase the number of African-American women who get tested for HIV. During the training for this new post I was bombarded with facts and stats about how grim it is for all women, especially Black women, what with so many still not educated enough about STDs or still too reticent to take complete control of their sexual health. Elexa by Trojan is doing their part.

Until December, buying a box of Elexa condoms will result in a donation of a box of those condoms to a women’s group by Gifts in Kind, a well-respected product grant maker. This is tremendous in making sure condoms are readily available to women and in reducing the stigma around seeking out, buying and using condoms every time we have sex. Its the least we, who have more knowledge and more accessibility, can do for those who may not. But that’s not all we can do.

In my new post for the pilot HIV testing program, I’ll be visiting whoever I can in the Philadelphia area who can be partners with me to get more Philly women tested. I’ll be visiting Temple University, Philadelphia’s largest, which is in the bottom 20 on Trojan’s Sexual Health Report Card. I’ll be talking to many women and women’s groups in the city who fit the demographic: Black women between 18 and 34 who are in or are seeking monogamous relationships with men. What else can I do? The same thing you can do…

Among my friends, I’m always the one who knows the most about the newest STD on the scene or a different mutation of the same old ones. I’m always the one who has the correct information on everything concerning women’s issues, everything from sex toys to toxic shock syndrome to genital mutilation. Ask me anything. Really, ASK! And that’s what I challenge all my readers to do. Ask questions. Let’s get involved. No matter where you live or what your personal opinion, there’s something you can do to increase the number of women you know who are better informed and in control of their sexual health. Let’s band together. Let’s volunteer at our local health clinics. Let’s get sex toy manufacturers to include a condom in every package. Let’s buy a box of condoms and offer them for guests on our coffee tables instead of candy or fruit. We can make the difference. Ask me anything!

You can find out more about the Buy A Box, Give A Box campaign at Elexa Sexy Smart.

Let's Talk About Anyone Who Will Listen

Did you know that October is Let's Talk month? Technically, it is designed to encourage parents to talk to their children and teens about sex (which you know I wholeheartedly support and write about quite frequently). But I feel like we can reinterpret this to fit any of our individual needs.

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If Women Are Twice As Likely to Get an STD as a Man…

...then why are women not buying and carrying a condom?

I write and talk about sex with women, A LOT.  And it always surprises me how few women are sexually assertive enough to carry their own condoms.  I mean, these are modern women living in the 21st century, buying their own cars, homes, but not a device that will protect their sexual health?  It’s baffling.  15.3 million people are infected with STDs each year and 65 million people have an incurable STD, so hello, it’s time for us all to get “SexySmart”. Being SexySmart means being responsible about your sexual health and enjoying a more intimate and pleasurable sexual experience on your own terms.  As women are twice as likely as men to contract a STD, the makers of Trojan products want women to protect themselves and help protect others and have announced a new program to do just that.  This program is the “Campaign for SexySmart” and beginning in October, when anyone buys a box of Elexa condoms, the makers of Trojan will give a box to women’s shelters and clinics.  Why is this program so great?  Because no woman can afford to go uninformed and unprotected. 

So you ask, how does the “Campaign for SexySmart” work?  For every box of Elexa condoms purchased from now until December, the makers of Trojan  will donate a box of Elexa condoms to Gifts In Kind - a minimum of 1 million condoms – to help protect women in need. Gifts in Kind, the leader in the field of product philanthropy, will distribute these condoms to women across the United States who are at risk of STDs and unintended pregnancy and who may not have access to or the means for which to buy condoms.  It’s easy as that.  You buy a box, and they’ll take care of “giving” it for you.  So what do you think about that ladies (or guys)?  Is it time for you to get SexySmart?

What Would You Do?

Would you sleep with a man who refused a condom? A reader talks about her struggles with her boyfriend...

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What's It All About, Elexa?

I think that their might be some confusion out there...are Elexa condoms female condoms? Who uses them? How do you use them? Well, have no fear, I'm about to give you the 411.

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NEWSFLASH! Elexa by Trojan™ Condoms Are BIGGER Than Magnum!

Ever see the box for the Trojan™ Magnum condom? Dark and no-nonsense, masculine and straightforward, they’re obviously an alternative to the fun and games candy-colored concoctions being passed around at parties and in dorms. No-frills Magnums are for those guys not interested in cutesy gimmicks and, yes, for another reason: Magnum’s are larger condoms for LARGER guys. After all, being with a very well-endowed man is serious business!

I remember all those late nights giggling with other girls about how big, how wide, how long and how smooth, but it would be years before I was with a guy who was an actual member of the Magnum club. Lo and behold, my current boyfriend and love of my life, is a card-carrying member! Yay me!

When I began this blog, he was so excited. I thought he was simply excited for me as I’ve wanted a platform for either a sex or a fitness column for some time. But he was beside himself for another reason: he wanted me to blog about him! Now most men would run or the hills at the thought of their girlfriend divulging intimate secrets of their sex life together or, God forbid, relive sexual events from seasons past, pre-him. But not my man. He keeps asking, “When will you blog about me?”

So here goes: my boyfriend sings a ringing endorsement of Elexa by Trojan™ condoms. He loves that they smell normal, not so annoyingly like latex. He loves that they’re comfortable, very comfortable, which somehow surprised him. But the piece de resistance is that, in his words, “I think these condoms are even bigger than Magnums!” He was like a kid on Christmas tearing through each new wrapper for each of the three Elexa condom types: stimulating, ultra-sensitive and natural feel (his favorite is natural feel). He was so curious and wide-eyed. It was like we’d discovered the latest sex toy and couldn’t wait to try it out, not simply doing the routine prep work before going to work. He never complained once about the pastel-colored boxes nor the presumption that they must only be for women. Now, in fact, he doesn’t want to use anything else!

Now how’s THAT for a ringing male endorsement?

Is Contraception Bad??

About 250 people last weekend attended a two-day conference titled "Contraception Is Not The Answer" in Rosemont, Ill., hosted by the Pro-Life Action League, the Chicago Tribune reports. My first thought as I skimmed this article was...Whaaaatttt???

Some attendees at the conference planned to say that contraception promotes "sexual promiscuity," leads to a decrease in birth rates, damages relationships between men and women and "devalues children," according to the Tribune. Some experts say that opponents of contraception likely will attempt to restrict access to its use by calling for cuts to federal family planning programs and allowing pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions to which they have a "conscience" objection, the Tribune reports. Thomas Euteneuer, president of Human Life International, at the conference called for funding to be "tak[en] away" from Planned Parenthood Federation of America for contraception and sex education services, adding that he believes contraception "doesn't prevent abortions, it causes abortion.

I used to be a total Pro-Lifer, was raised and brought up that way. However, the more I found out about my sexual health, the more I realised that contraception and birth control is essential to EVERY single sexually active woman that isn't considering having children right now.

Contraception being equated to Abortion is such a polar jump that it boggles my mind. Being that most contraceptives like condoms and gels prevent the sperm from implantation---where is the abortion here? And most hormonal contraceptives, like the Pill,  and Patch just change the natural environment of the uterus so that implantation is not possible. When you factor in that contraceptives have been shown to significantly decrease the precedence of teen pregnancies and that having a child in a loving, supportive environment to a mature and secure parent is the only way to have well-adjusted kids in this day and age...what's not to love about contraceptives? 

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Gay Governors and The View

So I happened to be watching The View yesterday, waiting with anticipation to see how my  nemesis, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, would handle Governor Jim McGreevey. As I expected, she acted like the super-conservative Republican I knew she could be.

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Kellie’s Going Undercover (At a Local Sex Toy Party)!

I’d been hearing about them for a while. These private parties run identically to Tupperware or candle parties, except these parties feature the latest designer vibrators, lubricants and other aids to erotica. Whatever. Anything to make money, right?

I read about it most recently in a Women’s Health article. Scads of women across the country, some single, some not, are clamoring to attend these soirees and snatch up the latest and hottest cinnamon-flavored penis hardener or magic, silk tickler. But it all seemed very contrived and cheesy to me. Call me a cynic, but after a glass of wine and a few obligatory “oohs” and “ahhs,” the thrill would probably be gone.

But now I’m an Elexa Sexy Smart blogger, which means its become my job, duty and obligation to put in some hard core research and sniff all the jams and jellies I can sniff to bring the most up-to-date and accurate information directly to my posts and to my readers. Man, the things I go through for you guys! Just so happened, not long ago, a journalist friend of mine forwarded me the number of a woman in my area who hosts these same types of parties. I came across it today. So I’ll sign up and go.

Undercover will be fun. The role of investigative reporter suits me so I’ll be poking, prodding and sniffing. I’ll also be making comparisons to what’s already in the stores and making sure all these products pass all safety and usability tests.

If you guys have any questions or requests, send them to me here. I’ll be your voice at this party!

Trojan Sexual Health Report Card: Does Your School Make the Grade?

How does your college rank?

I wanted to share with you some news released by Trojan this week. Trojan launched the Sexual Health Report Card which is the first survey that grades the sexual health of colleges and universities across the country and ranks them.

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SexySmart Podcast #2 from MySpace

Take a listen to my second SexySmart Podcast, originally recorded for the Elexa MySpace group. There are four more to come!

SexySmart podcast 2

Condoms as Fashion Statement?

Remember Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, the quirky, outspoken member of R&B/pop group TLC? Well, at the group’s inception, she had a habit of wearing huge glasses onstage with a brightly colored condom taped to one of the lenses. She looked ridiculous, but she made a great point.

Young people have always been notoriously reticent about buying condoms and displaying them prominently. In some stores, the condoms are kept only behind the counter because they’d suddenly grow feet if kept anywhere else in the store. Why? I suppose so kids won’t have to be seen at the register with them.

I propose an easy solution to this problem. Let’s get Trojan and Elexa by Trojan to fashion a line of condom holders, akin to the cell phone cozy, to help those in need of camouflaging their latex protection stay on the sly. I don’t get why a healthy, sexually active person needs to be on the down low, but I won’t begrudge them their privacy. I can see why someone with a moral, cultural or religious issue would need to keep the secret. In a recent Reuters article by Natalie Armstrong, 30,000 plus pins and brooches were made from condoms during the International AIDS Conference in Toronto. The goal of “The Condom Project” is to help de-stigmatize the use of condoms throughout the world, especially in high-risk regions like Africa. But don’t think we don’t still have huge issues with the condom stigma here in America.

I can think of things that should be hidden. Who has one of those pink plastic tampon holders? I do. That’s understandable. Nobody needs to know all my monthly business. Remember that episode of The Facts of Life, when Blair found a marijuana joint hiding in a lipstick tube that was really a sneaky secret drug compartment?? Fine, hide the weed. It is illegal. But condoms? Why not be proud of practicing safer sex?

Okay, okay. Still want to keep it secret? Fine. Let’s get you that condom cozy.

From Om to Oh! Do Yoga. Then, Do Him!

Yep, I’m a yoga nut. I’ll sing its praises to anyone. I’ve been practicing for about five years, but it took a while to make me a true believer. My sex life thanks me too.

I’m an athlete from way back, not a prissy cheerleader or gymnast, an A-T-H-L-E-T-E! I believe in sweat. I believe in soreness. I believe in not asking a man to twist open any jars for me: I’m for doing it myself, even if it breaks my hand. I once played in a summer-league basketball game so delirious from the heat I didn’t even know my name, and I was sick for a week afterward, but I never asked to sit on the bench. So convincing me to try yoga was no easy feat. I can’t knock nobody into next week while in a downward-facing-dog pose! I thought it was some trendy gimmick that would fade from our collective consciousness as soon as Madonna’s last tour ended. But then it got serious. And so I tried it. I was in love! But yoga and I could have sped through the courtship phase if I’d only known how much it would do for my libido!

Not only did I sweat in big bunches, and feel soreness I never thought possible, my workouts got better and better. I now know that chaturanga pose is what has strengthened my lower back when lifting weights wasn’t working, that pigeon pose opens the hips and releases bad energy and that I’m generally more relaxed because, among other things, yoga has taught me how to breathe more efficiently. AND…I have consistent and more intense orgasms.

Yes, I went there.

Its well documented, to us workout nuts anyway, that yoga and Pilates strengthen our “core” muscles: abs, lower back, inner thighs and the pelvic floor. These pelvic floor muscles are foreign until identified and really put to use. This, along with the breathing and the relaxation, is what takes yoga from the studio into the bedroom. My most recent ex used to get so turned on when I told him that some contorted, animalistic position was actually a yogic pose that he couldn’t shut up about it. It became a cyclical thing. I wouldn’t miss a class. I’d be distracted during every practice either for reliving our last sex session in my mind or for trying to find a way to make the week’s new pose more sexual. And we weren’t the only ones who caught on. One of Amy Sohn’s Naked City columns a couple years ago for New York Magazine referenced yoga as not only a new sex craze, but also a place to hook up, because men had caught on to its sexual benefits.

It may never be a mainstream, aerobics-like workout option, but yoga studios should find a way to use these findings to help ramp up attendance. Every class will be packed!

The Implications of 9/11: A Fight to End Intolerance

September 11th is a hard day for everyone. Aside from the sadness I feel everytime I look at the gap in my beautiful New York skyline, I feel equal sadness at what 9/11 symbolizes - intolerance of all kinds.

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HPV: The New 'Sex Cold'

Moxie has a great thread in her blog this week about HPV. In it, she got asked by a reader what her thoughts were on the fact that his new girlfriend confided in him that she has HPV. She threw the question to her readers, starting a debate that soon grew into a multiple sided issue. It turns out, alot of sexually active people don't know diddly squat about STDs, especially HPV. In the thread there was alot of misinformation as well as negative slants on the progression and contagious nature of the virus. More seemed shocked that Moxie didn't know that much about it and failed to realise that they barely knew anything about it themselves.

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Be a Force for Change

At the International AIDS Conference last month, AIDS advocate Melinda Gates called for prevention tools for women in an effort to prevent HIV infection. Whether you hope to one day be the next Melinda Gates, want to be a “sexpert,” or simply long to be a force in your community in fostering a positive sexuality, it’s never too early to get started on your quest to make a difference. With 79% of junior high teachers and 45% of high school teachers failing to teach about condoms, any time and efforts you can lend to safer sex promotion at your school, your college campus, and/or local community youth center can only help in righting the wrongs of the abstinence-only sex education agenda in our schools and in assisting women in protecting themselves. With some planning, networking, and heart, your efforts can be a huge success. Hopefully, the following five pointers will get you well on your way…


  1. Find allies, like Planned Parenthood. You’re going to need people to work with and support you, as well as provide you with venues for advertising, presentation space, and a “home base.” Unless you’ve got a degree in a sex ed, round up a supervisor to oversee efforts, provide guidance, and back you on any political challenges to your agenda. These people may include your school nurse, a health promotion services director or educator, and/or a faculty advisor.

  1. Make sure that you, yourself, have, at the very least, basic “sexpertise.” Take courses that deal with sexuality is sues, read books written by sex experts, and check out legitimate online resources, like the ones below, for sexual health information…
  1. Work with your local health center or department of health. They may be able to provide you with free pamphlets and articles. Some will also lend you samples of contraceptives for presentations, or, if you’re lucky, have safer sex freebies for you to give away as well.

  1. When host workshops, make sure that you’re culturally sensitive and inclusive. Resources that can assist you in specific outreach to the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered community include: the Bisexual Resource and GLBT National Help Center
  1. Keep your programming fun! Whether you’re giving a workshop, are camping out in the student union building with an information table, or are handing out condoms, like Trojan Elexa’s stimulating condoms, get a hold of sexual toys/aids, books, videos, and safer sex supplies for your presentations. Even sex doesn’t captivate an audience forever. So kick things up a notch with some titillating sexual enhancers from these online stores/companies and books, with products and ideas specifically geared towards women, women’s empowerment, and celebrating female sexuality…

More than anything, make sure that your efforts are sustainable. Have somebody you can hand the reins to when you move on, or have a whole sexual health peer advocates program, based on your efforts, in place so that more people can go out and spread the word on safer sex and female empowerment. After all, being a force in and of itself can be contagious.

Tech Toy Manifesto

My boyfriend hates to text message. He’ll ignore texts from his friends except in certain cases, (i.e., we’re out and someone needs directions to the club or party we’re all meeting at). He just thinks its stupid. I don’t mind this too much, but I think he’s missing out on another potentially passion-filled exercise that will spice up our sex life and bring us closer.

My last blog was about MySpace and how playing around on the internet is a good way to avoid getting serious. Today, I’ll explore the other side. Hey, I’m fair. I believe in toys. This blog is my ode to sex toys and to having fun and being confident in bed. Our modern technological inventions can certainly help with that.

Technology is great, its amazing in some respects, the way we can communicate with utter strangers, about anything, in a matter of seconds. We can work from home and with palm pilots, cell phones, laptops and wireless access, we can do it all without even hinting that we’re not hard at work in an office, but at the local coffee shop or on the beach. But, with all the ringing and buzzing, and with so many choices, it can also mitigate our ability to get to know each other and really connect too, hence my internet dating complaints.

What if you’re already serious with someone? Can technology help you come closer? I think its possible. We’ve all heard the horror stories of how internet porn has destroyed many a marriage and how pedophiles stalk young innocents who are none the wiser, but modern tech toys can also help nurture a relationship.

My man will sometimes send a sexy e-mail or two during the day. There’s nothing like the rush of being surprised with an “I want you so much” message when I was expecting the garden-variety “how’s your day” message. He hates text messages, but I’m trying to wean him on the occasional sexy text, you know, the “what are you wearing right now?” sort of thing. During a very busy day, a short, sweet, yet sexy text message may be just what the doctored ordered when you’re in back-to-back meetings or otherwise don’t have time to talk on the phone.

He’s an expert at film editing. What if I could get him to splice some film of 91/2 Weeks into a home movie of us doing it?

Hmmm, food for thought.

Sex Ed Begins at Home

When we became pregnant, I immediately considered what the future might hold. I heard the phone ringing, "Uh, yes, Ms. Levkoff? This is the head of your son's elementary school calling. Do you know what he has been teaching his classmates?" Seeing as he is my son (and I would have told him everything), I would imagine that he would be teaching girls that the correct name for their genitalia is vulva, and telling boys about how cool it is when you have an erection.

Continue reading "Sex Ed Begins at Home" »

Redefining the Word "Test"

I had my first AIDS test at 19 (when I was a freshman in college). And while it was a scary experience – it was an important milestone for me. Yes, it’s back to school time again and “testing” doesn’t just refer to how many multiple choice questions you can fudge your way through while checking out the hot guy/girl next to you.

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A Condom is a Girl's Best Friend.

I was talking to a girlfriend about condoms recently, and she asked me why my boyfriend and I were still using condoms if we'd both been fully tested for STDs and were in a monogamous relationship.  Like with any lesson hard learned, I was eager to share the why.

Continue reading "A Condom is a Girl's Best Friend." »

Drug Store Cowgirl

I read an article in Women’s Health recently that detailed all the ordinary, household items that can be used as sex toys. Duh! The premise was to make it easy to play off your freaky deaky around the kids and easily dodge the prying questions of nosy friends who visit. “Oh, what’s this feather duster doing sitting right here?” You get the drift. Sex toys are now taking up major space in the market, especially among women, and I won’t begrudge anyone their right to sell a specific product to make a profit. However, I’ve always believed that its the makeshift toys, harkening back to banging on a saucepan with a spoon to make music when I’d just gotten a toy guitar for my birthday, that we have the most fun with.

It got me thinking. Aren’t there other, more unidentifiable, home goods out there that just need to be looked at in a different, more sexual way?

My very first boyfriend had a thing for my lipgloss. Yep, that ultra-shiny, Maybelline stuff that came in the glass tube with the roll-on tip? He loved it so much that he requested his own tube to make his below-my-belt escapades just that much tastier. Hey, whatever keeps him down there. How about the garden-variety deck of cards? An impromptu game of strip poker is always a pleaser. Ever make a cock ring out of a latex glove or that latex tubing they sell to diabetics?

I would never suggest going the discount route for condoms or other protective measures, but we can have loads of fun with the low-cost, generic versions of many other finds around the house.

Holler back at me: who’s using clothespins and baby oil?

Time to Buy Plan B!!!

Finally...The FDA has approved Plan B's OTC status for women 18 and over. Granted, it is still located "behind the counter" (so that women have to show their IDs), but it's a start. (And you if you've read my blog, "Plan B for Me? Maybe..." you know how I feel about all of this. So Hurray! It may be a small step for womankind but definitely a step in the right (I mean "left") direction:)

Research Says a Woman's Sex Drive Plummets

A study done in Germany by researchers of the Hamburg-Eppendorf University interviewed 530 men & women aged over 30 and found out that a women's sex drive decrease significantly once they have been in a relationship for more than 4 years.

No way dude! Was my first reaction when I read the article. Sure I'm not over 30 nor have been in a relationship for greater than four years, but I do have some very strong plans to still be regularly knocking boots when I'm waaaaay over that age/time frame in my current relationship. "They found 60% of 30-year-old women wanted sex "often" at the beginning of a relationship, but within four years of the relationship this figure fell to under 50%, and after 20 years it dropped to about 20%."

However about 80% of guys still want regular sex well after that point. Of course. 

I'm highly skeptical about this. First of all, I think their pool of research was slightly skewed, I mean, did they ask any 20-somethings who have been in long term relationships? And doesn't this directly counteract the theory that women peak sexually in their 40s? Besides, what makes German ladies big ol' freaks in the bedroom anyway? They should have interviewed some straight up sex lovers like me.
The rational for why a woman's sex drive declines may be down to supply and demand. If something is in infinite supply, the perceived value would drop, said one of the researchers. I disagree with that. It should read something like, "if the supply isn't as good as it was earlier in the relationship, then the demand will drop."

After all, isn't it after a few kids that some guys will start to develop all kinds of tendres for other younger women? Trust me, if I think you are screwing the secretary, there is no way I'm going to want to sleep with you anyway. Throw in the proverbial "mid-life crises", where guys try to relive their youth and you have a recipe for rejection and disaster.  I think the fault must like somewhere in the male domain. After all, they need Viagra to get jiggy with it after a certain age, and some claim to lose attraction for the beautiful female form that has nursed and given birth to all their friggin' kids and want something younger and more supple.

I think I'm going to conduct my own study....just to disprove them. I need some volunteers that have been in relationships longer than four years. Is it true that security and commitment diminishes your sex drive? Or could it be that other facets like children, work, bills etc. get in the way and couples have less time to spend canoodling than they did in the past?

What are your thoughts?

Read the full article HERE.

"I Have A...": How to Handle the News About STDs

Okay, it's 2006 and we are not strangers to sexually transmitted infections. (Don't freak out just yet...this isn't to scare you, but it is a reality check). According to recent statistics 65 million Americans have some sort of incurable STD. Yeah, 65, there stands a good chance that someone may tell you that they have one, and you are going to have to decide what to do and how to do it.

Continue reading ""I Have A...": How to Handle the News About STDs" »

Asking the Right Questions About Sex

The highly intelligent Dr. Annie from Smart at Love has a really important post on her blog this week. She asked 200 respondants to take a survey on her website and in it found out that only half of them actually ask the truly important questions about sexual health before getting intimate with your partner. Instead, we waste our time asking trivial questions, like  "Do these jeans make me look fat?", "Is she hotter than me?" and  "Would you ever sleep with my best friend?"

Why do we prioritize superficial aspects first and our sexual health last? Is it because we are shy? Is it because we don't want to truthfully examine our own past behaviors? Is it because we are so hot for him that regardless of what he says we will sleep with him anyway? There could be several reasons for this trend, but in this day and age---they are all excuses. We've got to ask the hard questions. Even if it might be a mood-killer, it opens the channels of communication and keeps you safe. It's better to know what you might be dealing with sooner rather than later. Knowledge is power. Stay safe. Stay smart. Ask!

Before engaging in any sexual encounter with a member of the opposite sex, it's very important to ask the crucial sex questions. No hanky panky until your questions have been answered to your satisfaction. You are the one in charge of your sexual well-being, so don't balk at this. Annie enumerates these questions on her site.

  • Are you married?
  • Are you sleeping with other people?
  • Are you already involved with someone else?
  • Do you use condoms? What percentage of the time?
  • Do you use any drugs?
  • Do you have an STD? Have you ever had an STD? If so what and were you treated for it?
  • Have you been tested for HIV/AIDS? When was your last test?

Read the rest of Dr. Annie's article HERE.

SexySmart Podcast from MySpace

Take a listen to my SexySmart Podcast which I originally recorded for the Elexa MySpace group. Tell me what you think. I'll be uploading 5 more over the next few months.

Continue reading "SexySmart Podcast from MySpace " »

The Pleasure of Condoms

So it seems that people are finally realizing that safe sex can be pleasurable. Wow, are we on to something or what? (total sarcasm here). "Making safer sex sexy" seems to be the latest wave in sexuality education. And thank goodness! What have we been waiting for?

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Reading Is Fundamental…For Good Sex Too!

When I was young, sex-oriented magazine articles were, to me, akin to porn. I’d read them under the guise of “gaining knowledge,” but really, I was looking for juicy stories, tips, anything that would continue to stoke my already fiery sexuality.

Mademoiselle and Cosmopolitan were my favorites. I loved to read about those young women, more daring than I, who weren’t scared to tell their racy tales of doing the nasty in the back of their cars, on the beach, their parents kitchen tables or wherever. I even remember a Washington, D.C. business trip where, on the train ride home, I read one of these racier Cosmo articles while sitting right next to my preppy-as-hell boss! But as I got older, I lost the need for that and started to read different articles, the ones targeted more toward young women who wanted to make a difference in the world, or at least stay informed about what was happening to women around the world.

Now, I’ve come full circle. Blame it on being at my sexual peak if you need to, but current world events notwithstanding, I’m enjoying searching for books and articles that keep me abreast of the latest sex toy or gadget, the newest sexual health facts and statistics and, in general, what will continue to support my healthy sex life.

I want to read all about what will help me reach orgasm every time. I need to know what new birth control variants are out there. I have to keep an eye on sexy products, whether I’ll end up using them or not. And in addition, yes, I read these articles because they do sometimes really turn me on. Thanks to sex writers and sexologists, like our own Yvonne Fulbright, Logan Levkoff and Pepper Schwartz, I can stay informed AND stay stimulated.

Dirty and Degrading Lyrics Increase Teen Sex

It's funny that Kellie just wrote about music and sex, because that seems to be quite newsworthy these days. No, the press isn't talking about what songs turn them on, but they are talking about a new study that says teens who have Ipods (or other MP3s) that are filled with sexually explicit (read: degrading) songs are likely to have sex earlier. Whoa!

Continue reading "Dirty and Degrading Lyrics Increase Teen Sex" »

Plan B for Me? Maybe...

It seems like once again the FDA is in the hot seat. Yes, it's Plan B...again. But this time, it appears that an over the counter (OTC) emergency contraceptive may indeed be a reality (let's keep our fingers crossed).

Continue reading "Plan B for Me? Maybe..." »

Would You Tell Him How Many Guys You've Slept With?

Now according to American Pie, the magic number (number of partners you each have slept with) differs drastically between men and women. They said that guys tend to exaggerate their number (so divide whatever they tell you by 3), while women tend to downplay their number (so multiply by 3). However, in my experience, I've actually found this formula to be utterly flawed and totally irrelevant.

For starters, you could have been with only a few people and yet had tons more sex with those few than someone who has slept with more people. You could have had a coterie of activity in your boudoir and yet manage to pull off the wide-eyed naivete to a tee. He could have slept with over two dozen women, but still manages to suck badly in bed! Do one night stands even count?

Although some of you might be curious to know what the magic number for your significant other is, sometimes it's better not to know. Why does it even matter? Is it just a way for you to classify their 'sluttiness' or categorize them in your mind as an experienced lover? Is it going to change how you feel about him, his level of expertise? Is knowing the magic number going to amplify your antics in the bedroom in any way?
Besides, it's been found out (actually the hard way!) that when you do dish about your boudoir antics, most guys tend to get jealous, annoyed and insecure. I've learned my lesson, and now, mum's the word. If you do feel pressured to tell, try using a range, something along the lines of less than 100 but more than 1 (or whatever range suits your fancy).
The only number that really matters in the boudoir is the date that you both got last tested. And the results. If you are going to talk about numbers, my suggestion---try one of these.
Have you had any experiences where either you shared too much or the guy did? If so, what happened?

Waiting for sex. Kinda.

I dated my current boyfriend for two months before we had sex.  Well... OK, that depends on your definition of sex.  To be accurate, I guess I should say intercourse.  (Ah, that great, romantic word.)  And I'll admit it was a long two months!

First off, I asked him to get tested.  For HIV and all the other stuff, you know?  And then, if you ask, you have to do, but I wanted to go to my OB/GYN, so I had to wait a few weeks for my appointment.  He was all clear, and I hadn't even gotten in to see my doctor.  In the meantime, yes, there was nakedness (hooray for nakedness!) and various activities that definitely live in the world of sex.

Continue reading "Waiting for sex. Kinda." »

The Truth About HPV and Condoms

If you turn on the news there is always a reporter telling you some horribly scary fact about sex. But recently, there was good news on the tube. A major finding about condom use and HPV (human papilloma virus) was released by the New England Journal of Medicine. According to the study, “among newly sexually active women, consistent condom use by their partners appears to reduce the risk of cervical and vulvo-vaginal HPV infection.” This is huge! And it’s justifies what many of us have known for years: If you choose to have sex, condoms are your best option for STD prevention.

Continue reading "The Truth About HPV and Condoms" »

Sexual Pleasure - Could You Give it Up?

What would you trade for sexual pleasure? Chances are, not much, if anything at all. But even though we live in this world where we claim to be sexually liberated, some women just keep giving it up without getting anything in return...

Continue reading "Sexual Pleasure - Could You Give it Up?" »

Why I'm SexySmart

As a sexologist and your monthly blogger on sex, self-image, and empowerment, I am thrilled to be joining Elexa's campaign in helping all of you have hotter, safer, healthier sex lives. Despite years of writing about sex, teaching about sex, and talking to the media about sex, I never get tired of sex - it's my passion!  I look forward to getting to know you, hearing your thoughts and concerns about sexual intimacy, and making sure you know everything you need to know to have have the best, most fulfilling love life ever!  So make sure you note that you can always connect with me through this blog or at my website <>.

Yvonne K. Fulbright, M.S.Ed., Ph.D. candidate President & CEO, Sexuality Source, Inc.
author, The Hot Guide to Safer Sex

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Our Bloggers
Logan Levkoff Logan Levkoff
Sexologist/Relationship Expert/TV Personality/Advice Columnist
Liz Rizzo Liz Rizzo
Vixen Vixen
Bad Girls Rule
Yvonne Fulbright Yvonne Fulbright
Sexologist/Sex Educator
Kellie Murphy Kellie Murphy
Pepper Schwartz Pepper Schwartz
Professor of Sociology, University of Washington

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